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Team Shenaningans Flushes Impact, Inc.'s Title Hopes Down the Crapper

Posted: Jul 31st 2007 By: CMBurnham

It's been quite a long time since Impact, Inc. has felt tag team gold around their waists. Although John Zorthos and Bernie Donderwitz are former 3-time IZW Tag Team Champions, their last reign was over a year ago. Recently, they've made attempts to challenge Bad Boy & Outlaw for the MSWA Mid-South Tag Team Titles and those attempts have been denied as well. But with IZW at its brand new venue last Saturday, the owner and the IZW commissioner believed that they had luck on their side and challenged Team Shenanigans for the IZW Tag Team Titles in the main event.

It's a shame that Zorthos & Donderwitz weren't paying attention to the video monitors or they would have seen Kenny Campbell & Tyler Bateman sneak into their locker room area. The tag team champions then took one of the water bottles and dumped the majority of a bottle of Ex-Lax into it, stirred it up real well and replaced it. They then snuck out of the room, with Kenny being heard to say, "I hope no one was watching us." Apparently, he got his wish, as the entirety of Impact, Inc (Zorthos, Donderwitz, MSWA Mid-South Champion Brad Michaels, MSWA Oklahoma Champion Aaron Neil and Gary Tool) entered the locker room, congratulating Neil on his successful title defence against newcomer Nathan Sensation. Neil was the first to grab a water bottle to cool himself off from his match and Zorthos, Michaels and Donderwitz quickly followed suit. Tool went for a bottle and Donderwitz seemed reluctant to pass one over, since Tool wasn't booked for the show that night, but eventually he relented and all 5 members drowned their thirsts. John Zorthos then mentioned that since Bad Boy & Outlaw hadn't shown up to the event, they would their eyes on reclaiming the IZW Tag Team Title gold for the 4th time and assigned themselves the main event against Team Shenanigans (something that was easy to do since Bernie Donderwitz is the IZW commissioner). As the backstage vignette closed, it was still unknown who had consumed the contaminated water, but, as IZW ring announcer Steve O put it, something was about to hit the fans.

Brad Michaels showed no ill effects from drinking the water during his match against IZW Impact Division Champion John O'Malley, so when it came time for the main event, many of the fans were smiling in the hope that it was one of the challengers that would soon be suffering some internal problems. Impact, Inc. came to the ring first and seemed completely ready for whatever they would face. Campbell & Bateman entered next, eager to retain their tag team gold. After a bit of indecisiveness from the Impact, Inc. members, Zorthos started the match and things proceded well. But then, when Bernie made his first official tag into the match, his face wrinkled a little and he clutched his midsection as if a cramp had hit him. Immediately the anticipation from the crowd began. Zorthos and Donderwtiz would make frequent tags over the next few minutes, mostly due to Donderwitz's increasing discomfort. And then, the inevitable moment. With Campbell down, Bernie climbed up to deliver a second-rope leg drop. He missed. And a look of shock and fear came over his face as he grabbed his posterior, rolled out of the ring and ran straight to the locker room! Zorthos could only stand in the ring, shouting for his partner and wondering what had happened. This left the challengers in a 2-on-1 situation, but, to his credit, Zorthos held his own against the champions, although he stopped after every successful offensive move and yelled towards the back for Donderwitz. After about 3 minutes of fighting on his own, Donderwitz reappeared, with a long piece of toilet paper (presumably stained) hanging out of his wrestling gear. He made it back up on the apron and waited for Zorthos to make the tag. Tags were made and Donderwitz faced off against the fresh Kenny Campbell in the ring. Campbell ducked Donderwitz's clothesline and grabbed the piece of toilet paper, stuffing it in the mouth of his opponent, much to the disgust and amusement of the audience. With Zorthos down outside the ring, Team Shenanigans executed a quick double-team manoeuvre and pinned the IZW commissioner, retaining the belts.

Sad though it is to admit, this is not the first time that Donderwitz has experienced internal problems like this at an IZW show. Several months ago in Lawton, Donderwitz consumed part of a birthday cake that had been prepared for Gary Tool. Unknown to him, Brandon Bishop had dumped a bunch of indigestable materials into the cake, giving Donderwitz a similar reaction after eatling large portions of that cake. Perhaps the IZW commissioner would be better served by eating a healthy dinner before coming to the shows.

With Team Shenanigans having outsmarted them, will Zorthos and Donderwitz return to their challenge of Bad Boy & Outlaw? Or have we seen the last move in Impact, Inc.'s tag team playbook? Whatever their choice, it seems that they would be safer by pretending they're in Mexcio...and not drinking the water.