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The Foley Files: February 26, 2010

Posted: Feb 26th 2010 By: mikeiles

Hello everyone and welcome to an abbreviated version of The Foley Files. I will deliver on that promised Dorothy Hamill story, which I hope you will enjoy - and which seems to come at a perfect time, given all the excitement surrounding the Winter Olympic Games.

Speaking of excitement, I really want to thank everyone who showed up at the Baltimore Comedy Factory on Wednesday, for helping make that evening so incredible. We had two shows, 7 and 9 pm, and the fans could not have been better. They showed up ready to have a great time, ready to laugh, and showed me how good doing comedy can feel when the atmosphere is right and the material is flowing. Colt Cabana did a great job - was really looking comfortable, and was a great sport about contributing to my Mr Miagi gag - which has quickly become my favorite bit. I try to make every show somewhat different, but I think I'm gong to keep Miagi around for a little while. So feel free to request it if youshow up in Manchester, NH on March 5th, or Phoenix, Az on March 27th. Anyone looking to check out either show can look up www.totalextremecomedy.com

I just finished up on the Opie and Anthony show (those guys are always a blast) and will have to brave this brutal weather to get back home - where I will eagerly dive into my DVR of "Impact", in order to get my fix of the new Abyss. This guy has been just incredible over the last few weeks, and I look for him to take off in ways we haven't seen from a wrestler in quite a while. The timing is absolutely perfect for him for him to make a maximum "impact' when the new Monday night wars begin on March 8th.

And now...on to Dorothy.

Dorothy Hamill - Here's an "Abilities" story of a happier variation. One of those boy sees girl on T.V. - boy has 30 year crush on girl - boy meets girl story.
Oh, its true - I had that classic Dorothy Hamill crush. Big time! From the moment she took the ice in Innsbrook back in 1976, with that Hamill camel, and those?you know, other moves used in figure skating, and that beautiful short and sassy hair, I was hooked. Everyone knows what Dorothy Hamill accomplished at those Olympic games; she captured the Gold. Lesser known, however, was what else she captured on that brisk February evening so many years ago. My heart. Yes, she did - captured it and held it prisoner for decades, only letting it out once in a while to do things like develop mini crushes, fall in love, even get married.
Fast forward 28 years. New York City, 2004, the Muscular Dystrophy Association's Muscle Team event - its biggest fundraiser of the year. For years, before the economy fell into the crapper, it was a place for the New York wealthy to cough up big bucks for a great cause. I mean the bidding used to go crazy for some of the auction items like a lunch with Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl Petra Nemcova, which went for like 25 grand. I had met Petra earlier in the evening and she had given me a kiss on both cheeks. No, it wasn't a custom from her country, she told me, just her own personal gesture, given in the hope that there might be more love in the world. I introduced her to my son, Dewey, who recoiled in sheer horror at the idea of one of the world's most beautiful women attempting to kiss him on the cheek.
My job at these events was to head out into the high dollar crowd, microphone in hand, and attempt to coerce contributors for MDA's summer camp, a week away from home that the kids (along with their parents) treasured. Coercion wasn't really necessary however, at least until the aforementioned economy in the crapper, which caused former big spenders to throw around nickels like they were manhole covers. Back in '04, people couldn't give enough. Five campers, 12 campers - $2,500, $5,000 a shot. It made everyone feel good. It even provided a slight boost to my romantic fortitude.
"Hey there's Dorothy Hamill" I said to the 1,000 or so in attendance. "Just want you to know I've had a crush on you for almost 30 years."
Imagine the sound of 1,000 people "oohing" simultaneously. O.K., maybe not 1,000. Maybe not everyone thought it was cute. But most of them did. Seven, eight hundred simultaneous oohs. And Dorothy was one of them. She did, honestly. And for the next few years, at the annual muscle team, we'd talk like old friends - we even did the microphone in the crowd thing together, back, you know, before those nickels turned into manhole covers.
Then, in January 2008, Dorothy didn't make it to Muscle team. She'd been diagnosed only days earlier with breast cancer. I had seen her skate several years earlier at "Champions on Ice" in Pensacola, Florida. It was a thrill, but nonetheless, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness even then, even in 2000, realizing how many of my childhood idols were no longer around. Jim Croce, the singer, had died in 1973. Thurman Munson in 1979, Walter Payton died in 1999. Watching Dorothy Hamill, (still beautiful at 44 in 2000, still beautiful at 53 in 2009) for some reason reminded me of those idols who'd passed on.
So, when I heard of Dorothy's diagnosis, I took it pretty hard. I asked MDA to send her my best wishes, and each year I'd hope to see her at Muscle Team. I even brought all my saved Dorothy items to Muscle Team '09 - the cover of Time, newspaper articles, a big heart I'd made in art class with M.F. and D.H. right in the middle. But alas, she wasn't there. And alas, when I drove home, I forgot to bring my Dorothy things - another little part of my childhood gone for good.
A few days before the "Abilities" show, I checked on their web site for their guest list. Wait, what's this? Dorothy Hamill will be there? Cool! A little more checking - at the script I should have learned a week earlier, revealed that Dorothy would be in the play as well?and in a big song and dance number with the Hardcore Legend.
She looked vibrant, full of life, exactly as she'd been three years earlier, not a whole lot different than she'd been 30 years before that. And during a break in the dance number, after Dorothy had sashayed around me many times, singing "Jimmy Drek, you are a mental wreck," I had to confide in Jo Jo Starbuck that I'd never really envisioned this moment when I was a 6th grader in Mr. Perkins' class.
An hour or so later, after our full dress rehearsal, Jo Jo struggled to help me get out of my Drek (think Shrek with a "one size fits all" costume that hadn't taken my particular size into consideration) regalia.
"Do you have any idea how cool this is?" I asked Jo Jo. "I mean I LOVE Dorothy Hamill."
Jo Jo smiled mischievously. Sure she enjoyed seeing a 300 pound, 44 year old man in a 170 pound man's costume get all googly eyed, but there was something more to that mischievous smile.
"Mick, you know we just had a full dress rehearsal, right?" she said.
I nodded my head.
"Did you know your mike is still live?"
"You mean?"
Jo Jo nodded. "Everyone out there heard everything you said.
"Including?"
"Yes Mick, including Dorothy."
Oops.

Tags: Mick Foley