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Missy's Manor: Mailbag Addition to Mecha Mummy Awareness Month

Posted: Jul 28th 2008 By: CMBurnham

The feedback to last weeks article that reviewed the dumbest Japanese indy matches was overwhelming. I received more responses reviewing freakin' Mecha Mummies, Robot Wrestlers, Jushin Liger Mummies, etc. rather than reviewing territories, indys, and actual main stream wrestling that the masses care about. I'm totally baffled. I guess there is a audience that craves for Mecha Mummy coverage instead of 24 pages off MMA in the Observer. Did I happen to trip over a new phenomenon of absurd wrestling characters? Perhaps J.R. Benson can finally cash in on his Abortionist, Ku Klux Clowns, HIV Kid, NAMBLA, and other offensive wresting characters? I even had people send me links to even more absurd wrestling matches. I even had letters from mainstream wrestling personalities respond to my article. Let me dip in to my mailbag and show everybody how my Japanese Wrestling review reached the masses and ruined my reputation all at the same time.

Dear Missy,
I would rather stay in jail for a additional week than ever watch Mecha Mummy or any of your recommended videos ever again.
Jim Fullington

Dear Missy,
Those battles were true slobber knockers. I'm willing to send you a one way ticket to Japan to run a developmental territory of wrestling robots, clowns, and mummies. We can even supply you with a television show. You can even do the booking. I hope you realize I'm being sarcastic. Perhaps you might want to take advantage of the WWE's offer to go to rehab. Don't expect to see Mecha Mummy on next years RAW/Smackdown draft.
J. R.

Dear Missy,
I'm sorry, but there is no room for Mecha Mummy in the Observer Hall Of Fame. Perhaps you should start your own Hall Of Fame and induct nothing but wrestling clowns, robots, bears, and mummies. Will Victor The Wrestling Bear and Mecha Mummy be inducted this year? By the way, your HOF ballot was rejected. I'm not even going to open it up.

Don't even tell me those were match of the year candidates. You are banned from covering anything considered wrestling. Don't even ask me to cover robot wars in the MMA section. Got to go. I have 24 pages of MMA to write about. Do you think anybody notices that I cover less wrestling?
Big Dave

Dear Missy,
We are cancelling any plans on filming a 'Guest Booker DVD' with yourself. There is no interest in watching you book a dream federation of Mecha Mummies, Robots, and Clowns. The only thing you should be booking is a appointment with a psychiatrist.
Kayfabe Commentaries

Dear Missy,
We are proud to announce that Mecha Mummy will be receiving a WWE Legends Figure before you ever get one.
Jakks Wrestling Figures

Dear Missy,
I'm cancelling you subscription to the F4W Empire. Apparently you forgot the concept of wrestling. We tolerated your reality TV show articles, guest booking a Hogan VS. Savage program, and even your Meltzer bashing rants. There is no room in the Empire for intergalactic wrestling garbage.
Bryan Alvarez

Dear Missy,
I booked Robo Cop in WCW for Capital Combat '90. Everybody laughed at me. I bet you think I'm a genius now.
Ole

Dear Missy,
I can't believe you rated me #14 in the galaxy behind Super Robo, Mecha Mummy, Hornswoggle, Gentle Ben The Wrestling Bear, Black Mummy, Doink, Gobbledy Gooker, El Gigante, and others.
Bret

Dear Missy,
Lou Thesz never had to use a launching hand attachment to show how wrestling is real. Frank Gotch never malfunctioned if he was exposed to water. Sam Muchnick never had to book a Robot to draw a big house in St. Louis. We are removing your bikini from our wrestling museum. You really have no concept of wrestling.
Pro Wrestling Hall Of Fame

I'll be back later in the week. I will have my final installment of more wacky garbage wrestling. I owe it to the fans who keep sending me videos of this crap.

Tags: Missy Hyatt, WWE, J. R., Lou Thesz