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Oh You KNOW We Went to That Wrestling Thing

Posted: May 18th 2016 By: Johnaton Peng

In the past few years, Shanghai has borne witness to a number of new and sometimes exciting niche spectator sports, from dodge-ball and ultimate frisbee to bubble football and more, our sporting horizons have expanded in weird directions.

The game, however, has just gotten changed -- suplexed, leg-dropped, DDT?ed, body slammed, and pile-drivered off a 10-foot steel cage for the pin in the center of the ring with the triumphant arrival of amateur pro-wrestling!

CAN YOU SMELLLLLLLLL!

Now, I know what you?re thinking? Wrestling? Like, wrastlin?? Hillbilly entertainment? Dudes in spandex ?fighting? each other for fake belts in scripted ?sports entertainment? leagues?

Yes. Exactly. Yes, this is exactly what I mean.

I guess the mature adult in me would say you?re right; however, the life-long wrestling fan in me would give you a snapmare neckbreaker and then tell you that these people -- nay, these athletes -- are putting their bodies on the line to deliver to us the ultimate bro soap opera and one hell of a show! So like... you better know your damn roll.

Is all I'm saying.

OOOOOHHhh WHAT A RUSH!

Most people associate wrestling with the larger-than-life heroes of our youths: Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, ?The Nature Boy? Ric Flair, ?Stone Cold? Steve Austin, and everyone?s favorite wrestling deadman, The Undertaker. While obviously not on that tier of super-stardom, China-based promotions, CWF and the MKW still managed to assemble an impressive group of athletes and performers last Sunday at Shanghai Stadium, Gate 7.

The truth is, you don?t need the giant arenas, fireworks, and big-star names for a good wrestling show. A lot of the time it's the smaller promotions that provide the most memorable experiences; they?re in it for the love.

TO BE THE MAN, YOU GOTTA BEAT THE MAN!

Even so, before the event my expectations were low. Indie wrestling shows often imply homemade rings set up in depressing, empty high school gyms -- the last stop before oblivion for a lot of wrestling?s former greats. I was pleasantly surprised then that CWF got their event into a full-blown, packed night club with a ring set up on the dance floor.

*New club concept*?

Here are the highlights of the night:

The King of Man vs. Ash Silva

Let?s get one thing straight, yes, wrestling is choreographed, to varying degrees. But at the end of the day, it?s still dudes hitting each other in the face. Sweet. It?s about the drama and the illusion. On the night, that?s exactly what we got with stiff elbows to the dome, diving splashes off the turnbuckle, a nasty clothesline onto the concrete, and a back-flip off the top rope. Good stuff from this match. Nice work.

Winner = The King of Man

Triple Threat aka Wrestler 3-Way *Wait Wat?* -- Big Sam vs. The Selfie King vs. Dalton Bragg

Classic foreign double-team-on-the-local hero tactics in this match. Disgraceful. What a bunch of heels. They?re working hard with this one with those knife edge chops -- basically, slapping a man?s bare chest as hard as you can.

Add this to your arsenal the next time you fight a man on Yong Kang.

The champ steals the pin by handcuffing Big Sam to the ropes resulting in a roaring "YOU SUCK" chant from the audience. Don?t ask where those cuffs were being hidden. Evil tactics. Where was the ref?!? Dirty win for?

Winner = Dalton Bragg

King Michael vs Taiwanese Superman

King Michael is a behemoth of man probably weighing in over 400 pounds. Coming in from Parts Unknown, this beast is. Highlights: a stink face, a brutal titty twister, and last but not least, a devastating finisher: a superman nut buster with the giant getting lifted into the air by his testicles and slammed for the pin.

Winner: Not King Michael?s Balls

Cute But Deadly Japanese Gal vs Adorable But Deadly Japanese Gal

The next match featured two adorable Japanese ladies shyly entering the ring to bubbly anime music. I wasn?t really sure what to expect? that is until they started throwing roaring elbows into each other?s faces.

These ladies tore the house down.

You know you?re winning at life when an audience erupts into a "THIS IS AWESOME" chant, a classic of the wrestling circuit. The match ends with a double foot plant from the top ropes into the lady parts.

OH, HELL YEAH!

Winner = The Fans

The night ends with a tag match, a flip over the ropes which almost takes out the camera man, and standing ovation from the crowd.

All and all, a great night. I could have done with more chairs to the face and bodies through tables though, if I?m being picky.

Great crowd too. Amount of ladies in the audience: Zero. Sigh, such is the life of a wrestling fan.

Say what you want about wrestling, brother, but this was an awesome event for diehards and non-fans alike. These men and women put their bodies on to the line to entertain and didn?t disappoint. Hell, even a friend of mine who constantly rips on my love of WWE admits it was awesome. Kudos to the men and women of CWF and MKW for bringing something new and exciting to the Shanghai scene. Hope they come back real soon.

HAVE A NICE DAY.