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The Iron Sheik's Roast Rumble ? July 17 ? The Comedy Store in West Hollywood

Posted: Jul 18th 2014 By: f4wrestling.com

Comedy and pro wrestling can either be a "Match Made in Heaven," the Rock going acoustic in Sacramento, or a "Match Made in Hell," you know...TNA television.

Last night, West Hollywood's Comedy Story was both; with pure class from perhaps the greatest heel-exploitation-gimmick in the history of the business?the Iron Sheik, who now loves to say "f**k" a lot on Twitter, but history knows better: he broke the streak, Backlund's six-year title reign, created some real heat following the Iranian Revolution in '79, and if you saw him beat Backlund, you saw some solid technical wrestling. He was a good worker.

But tonight, he was judge, jury, and executioner. He would be the referee, as pro wrestlers like Zeus (yes, "Tiny" Lister, who still looked big and deranged) and professional comedians would come on the stage, try to be funny, and the Iron Sheik would waive his polished Persian cane: "get him da' fak off da' faking' stage," in broken English, but with a smile, as if we were all in on the joke. The man is pure comedy genius.

While most of the wrestlers, including Buff Bagwell, John Morrison, and Chavo Guerrero were going over their lines in the green room?the same green room, with those discotheque mirrored tables, where Richard Pryor would "warm up" with actual lines of cocaine; I decided to examine the floor of the main room (I counted about 400 attendees), littered with Hollywood excess and old school wrestling trivia. I spotted a few Affliction shirts, embarrassing, but then I saw a few "I'm a Paul Heyman Guy," shirts, which made sense. This was an indie wrestling crowd.

While most comedy shows, at least here in L.A., play some cheesy hair metal in the background before the show?you know, stuff like Poison?the Iron Sheik's manager decided to use the big screen to showcase the legend's career. It was like watching a WWE Network documentary on the Iranian legend. We got to see clips from the WrestleMania X-Seven's now weirder than ever Gimmick Battle Royal?the one the Iron Sheik won; the one where Bobby Heenan called Gene Okerlund "Tony," at least twice; the one where Okerlund made that weird suicide reference: "If they wrap this cord around my neck a couple more times...I'll be happier."

Most of the pre-show clips focused on the Iron Sheik's Iranian Legend documentary, which was updated to include interviews from Hulk Hogan and the Rock. It was also announced that the documentary, which was originally a crowd founded project, is now complete: "In three months, we'll be back here in L.A. for the U.S. premiere!" said Page Magen, the Sheik's manager and probably his biggest fan. The trailer looks really good.

The pre-show also included a clip with Okerlund (he had some hair then) and the Iron Sheik, a late-'70s promo where the wrestler would do his classic Persian Clubs routine?which makes you wonder how and why he subjected his back to swinging those heavy clubs over his head, but then again, it made him look strong; it also made him look foreign. That was the point! I wonder if that was his idea, or that of "Kennedy McMahon," as the Iron Sheik likes to call him.

Promoted as the Iron Sheik's Roasted Rumble, we (an English pro wrestling enthusiast joined me), sat at a booth right next Rampage Jackson and Mayhem Miller. They rumble, for real, so we didn't look at the women at their table--we can't fight.

Miller looked smaller tonight (maybe I could take him?), with a blonde mohawk. "Hulkamania running wild, baby!" said Miller, watching the clip of Hogan beating the Iron Sheik for the WWF championship. Rampage, sporting what looked like a Monster Energy Drink "M" bling-chain around his neck, sat back and never said a word until John Morrison walked up to him. They hugged and looked friendly. "Just here to make a few people laugh," said Morrison, who could never really cut a promo (outshined by a dweeb like the Miz), which made you wonder?could he win over a room full of comedians and indie pro wrestling fans? Not a chance. Look, he's a nice guy and a great athlete, he's even got the "look," but no personality, either. He should be a stoic action star in some Viking-era blockbuster (he can be that), just not a pro wrestler or a comedian. Underwear model...that's it!

Hosting the show was the always obnoxious Stuart Stone, a commentator (I think) on Championship Wrestling from Hollywood. Then again, with all the missed cues from the guy running the music (I think Morrison's WWE theme randomly came on twice)...you had to give it up to "Stu the Jew," who actually opened with this joke:

"If you wanted to see Jews dropping bombs on Arabs, all you had to do was turn on CNN." It didn't go ever well, a mostly Hispanic crowd of L.A.-based indie wrestling fans, and Iranians (who aren't Arabs, obviously), went, "what the f**k?" But that's what you call "chutzpah." He bombed, and then, he kept going. He won me over by the end.

The Iron Sheik (immobile these days due to bad knees, a real sad story), sat on a chair, like a proper Roast Master, and held tight to his wooden cane?like an aging King who was once a warrior?and if he didn't like what he heard, Stu the Jew would begin the countdown to kick some comedian, or wrestler, off the stage. It was a fun concept, and for all the wackiness of the evening, it provided some great laughs and big pops from the sold out crowd, about 400 people that included indie wrestling fans, Hollywood socialites, MMA fighters, washed up publicists, and paparazzi.

Back to John Morrison, who didn't last long. No charisma, the poor chap, and the cocaine jokes about the Iron Sheik were cheap and didn't go over. "It takes more cocaine to kill a wrestler than a comedian," ha-ha, nobody laughed, except poor Morrison, who looked good--I still can't believe he was cut, I mean, he can fly. The Royal Rumble needs him.

Chavo was confident, he has some charisma, but he's too nice to be at a Roast?when one of the comedians made a bad Chris Benoit murder joke (I won't even give it ink), well, he looked uncomfortable. It wasn't his scene. Cryme Tyme was a bit sad as well?nobody knew who these guys were, and all they did was their unfunny WWE promo shtick, and looked desperately at the crowd and said "do we still got it?" No! And JTG looked like he gained about 40 pounds. The other guy has charisma, but like the Miz?you can't love him, you just want throw something at his face. Oh and Gangrel, who actually has fangs (real or fake? Who knows), came out and didn't even try to be funny?he just looked like he was coming off a bender or some '80s hair metal tribute music video set: "I don't even know why the f**k I'm here." Nobody did. One guy in the crowd was into him, so that counts: "He's the Attitude Era!" The dark matches...of the Attitude Era. One comedian pointed this out: "Gangrel is smart. Your gimmick was a Vampire because you knew you'd be wrestling in the dark matches."

Other than the Iron Sheik, who was adored by the crowd, it was really Buff Bagwell's night. Not because he was funny?he wasn't, even the infamous fur tophat looked tacky?no, it was his night because he was wasted, out of shape, and actually still owns a functioning fanny pack. Every time a comedian (or wrestler) would come out, Buff would try to interfere, as if it was WCW 2001, and at one point, he left the stage only to return with a box of pizza (probably a work, but still). The comedians wanted to punch his beat-red face. "Let's party!" he yelled into the microphone, before telling the crowd about the time he was warned by a TNT executive (Brad Segall?) to stop being a douchebag. He was hangover during the meeting.

The comedian the came after Bagwell provided some explanation: "Yeah, and tomorrow he has a meeting with his parole officer." Bagwell paused..."That's a shoot! That's shoot!" What a jabroni.

We even had a fake Virgil come out, who looked nothing like the Million Dollar Man's bodyguard. Which made it even funnier. He looked like Jimi Hendrix or Victor from the Village People, and he asked for money, and walked off the stage. A highlight was Dennis Haskins AKA Mr. Belding from "Saved by the Bell," who came out and killed it with Jim Cornette-level promo. He proceeded to just read off Tweets by the Iron Sheik himself. Just go to his Twitter, they're all there, like this one:

MALAYSIA I BREAK YOUR FUCKING MALAYSIA AIRLINE FUCKING NECK YOU DUMB RAISIN BALLS SON OF A BITCH YOU BREAK MY FUCKING HEART - @the_ironsheik

But the "show stealer," the HBK moment, came a comedian named Earl Skakel (a wrestling fan), who opened the show as Rick Rude; he even had the mustache, and eventually stripped down into red underwear and cut a promo borrowing lines from "Ravishing" Rick Rude and IRS: "For all you fat, lazy, ahh, tax cheats..." It was great, and at the end of the night, he came out as the Ultimate Warrior, and again, he cut a promo that didn't make sense: "OK, Ultimate maniacs..." At one point, Shad from Cryme Tyme (seriously, does anyone remember this guy?) decided to pull down those right tights and expose the Ultimate Warrior-impersonators man parts to the entire crowd. It wasn't very "Ultimate." It was criminal.

I'm just glad Rampage didn't tear off his shirt and throw a left hook at someone, especially the indie wrestling fans who kept yelling as if it was literally a wrestling show at a bingo hall.

Well, it sort of was, and that's why it was special?a traveling circus of characters from the wacky world of pro wrestling and comedy, and somehow, the Iron Sheik was the most decent part of the whole thing. A true class act, and when the big screen ran his WWE Hall of Fame speech, you knew why: he never breaks kayfabe. He's the last of a dying breed. He is the heel.

Oh, and I still want a "Camel Clutch" t-shirt.