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Last "Dance" In Oklahoma

Posted: May 25th 2012 By: CMBurnham

Note: the following is reprinted from the Facebook page of X-Cal. The opinions expressed here are his and do not necessarily reflect those of Oklafan.com. This article does contain mature language

When I was 4 years old, I fell in love with what is known as professional wrestling, or, "sports entertainment".

Throughout elementary, middle, and high school, I adamantly told anyone who would listen that, "someday, I'm gonna be a pro wrestler in the WWF(E)". Without a doubt, I had plenty of naysayers, including family, friends, teachers, and the occasional passerby. And while I never made it to the big time, I DID opt out of college, dropping out after a mere semester, started training consistently December, 2002, and low and behold, had my first professional wrestling match Feb. 8th, 2003.

I won't bore anyone right now with the endless calamity that ensued, and the countless road stories that almost ended in literal DEATH, or the fun, and cheerful, happy times, I shared with some of the most interesting people I've ever met in my entire life...but, perhaps at another time, I will.

Unfortunately, this Facebook "note" is to inform who it may concern, that June 23rd, 2012, will be MY LAST PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING MATCH IN THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA, %100, FOR GOOD.

I have gone on many hiatuses in my time with this art, but never could convince myself in my mind, or my heart, that I would really be done for good...until now. I have given this a lot of thought, however, not a lot of thought was needed. When you're done, you know you're done. You feel it. I know the reasons that brought me to this decision, and this is the part where I upset some people, as I'm going to list a few of these reasons.

1. Egos: It is of my understanding that if you haven't been successful at doing something, even slightly successful, then you probably don't have the right to "drop knowledge", or "teach", anyone else what you have failed repeatedly at doing. At the very least, if you do, you shouldn't have a big ego, and treat people like shit, in the process, and you should also know what you're talking about. I started traveling to different wrestling companies in this state(and others) in 2003. In 2012, I STILL hear/see the same arguments, by the same people, about the same things. If I call this out to everyone, some of the "boys" in the business get extremely butt hurt, and lose their shit over it. We're not dealing with normal people, after all. To this day, I have still never met a group of people more insecure than professional wrestlers, but, I will say..musicians do come close!

2. The Oklahoma State Athletic Commission: I literally don't even know where to begin with this get-rich-quick-scheme-gone-bad. These scavengers come out to our wrestling shows, and force their laws on us, consider us a "combat sport"(we're choreographed violence, sports entertainers, or if you wanna be a dick about it, play fighters), just so we have to pay them a percentage of any money we make that night. Spoiler Alert! Since returning to the ring last September, I have made all of $75(Oklahoma), and I'm sure the promoters made damn near less than that. Wanna know the kicker? The commission doesn't do ANYTHING! NOTHING! THEY HELP US IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! Most of the time these people don't even check licenses, or know what they're doing when they show up. They're only there for the money. Recently, they started requiring that everyone who wants to get licensed must first pass an HIV/Hep C test. No big deal, right? However, upon saying this, they said it was still okay for those already licensed to continue wrestling, but after June 30th(license expires annually), they would have to submit the blood work. Because apparently blood borne diseases don't kick in until July 1st. Wow, that's some commission. This same, good for nothing, phoney ass, joke of a commission will be on hand for my final match, too. At a BENEFIT SHOW WITH ALL PROCEEDS GOING TO HELP FUND LIVING COSTS FOR A GIRL WITH STAGE 4 GLIOBLASTOMA, THE DEADLIEST KIND OF BRAIN TUMORS, AND OOOH YES, THEY WILL TAKE THEIR PERCENTAGE, AS THEY ALWAYS DO, WHILE NOT LIFTING A FINGER, OR BEING NECESSARY. Basically what I'm saying is...FUCK THOSE GUYS

3. My Heart Just Ain't in It: Simply put. I don't have fun wrestling in Oklahoma. However long this run is for me in Arkansas, I'm gonna ride it..but when the wheels fall off, I'm getting out, dusting myself off, and thinking "boy, what a crazy ride", and moving on with my life.

I have loved professional wrestling for as long as I can remember, and through it, I have met some of the most interesting characters anyone could ever meet. Shared locker rooms with childhood heroes that I grew up watching on tv. I've seen the brightest days, and the darkest nights. Like, one time, this mother fucker fell asleep while driving a van full of us, and nearly drove us off a gah damn bridge! Shit like that.

This "note" isn't really to blame anyone or anything on why I have decided to stop, it's more of a "LAST CALL" type of thing. I addressed my frustrations, I've admitted it is no longer in me, so...If you're one of my friends who have never seen me wrestle, this show will be your last chance(unless you travel out of state). To the friends who have seen me, this will be the match you don't want to miss, I can promise you that!

To my Oklahoma dysfunctional family of fellow brotherhood: Thank you! From the bottom of my heart. Good or bad, right or wrong. For better, or worse. I can't say I'd be alive today without you, in some fucked up, crazy way. Thank you, forever!

To everyone else: It would mean the world to me if you could make it out to my final wrestling match in Oklahoma, June 23rd!!! It would be my pleasure to have a curtain call, in front of the dearest friends I've made over the years, and to the family that still claims me.

Link for info: http://www.oklafan.com/news/5380/article.html

I will be fighting one of my best friends, Cast-Iron Cothern. This will also be his last match, although, it won't be because he decided to hang it up..no. It'll be his last match, because I intend on getting banned by the Athletic Commission FOR LIFE, after what I do to my Cali-Soft, Chumpy McLiberalton, bitch made of a friend(who let me borrow his XBOX 360), Christopher Cothern! Then you'll all have to listen to him bitch about how it was a conspiracy by the Athletic Commission, and The Illuminati, in conjunction with my clavicle kicks.

Cheers, folks!

X-Cal