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Missy's Thoughts On Hot Summer, WWE House Shows & The Worst Gimmicks Of The WCW Era

Posted: Jun 14th 2008 By: CMBurnham

We've been having a heat wave in N.Y. over the last few days. I'm scared that the 100 degree weather might melt some of my body parts. So I've been staying indoor in my air conditioned beach house. We are paying almost $4.20 per gallon, so this has limited my multiple trips to the mall. This gave me the opportunity to catch up on wrestling tapes and books.

I have been having a blast watching the WWE MSG Classics on Wednesday night. I know many fans enjoy them for the nostalgia factor. Many fans enjoy reliving wrestling from their childhood or from a time that they remember all of the angles, I never saw the WWE house shows when they aired on MSG, due to MSG not being available on my cable or I was on the road with another company. I enjoy watcing the matches to see how the wrestlers interact with the crowd and what style they use on a house show.

Keep in mind you wrestle a faster and more high impact style on television. This is what hooks the fans to come to see the wrestling product live. The MSG matches are longer than the television matches that the fans normally watch. I remember WWF TV being non stop 30 second squash matches and interviews in the 80's and early 90's. Their product was more based on selling personalities. The longer matches was a bit of a surprise to me.

The house show style was very solid. The wrestlers used more psychology that was easier on the body. Keep in mind they worked 300 shows a year. You couldn't go out and do swantons, go thru tables, and dive to the floor every night. You had to know how to manpulate the crowd with mannerisms, personality, and build towards a hot finish if you wanted to survive that hectic schedule of non stop house shows, traveling, and flying.

I loved the Terry Funk [greatest wrestler ever] VS. Lanny Poffo match from a few weeks ago. Funk was able to whip the fans in to a frenzy over a 10 minute extended squash match. He even gave the perenial jobber a few moments where he looked like he could have gotten a win. I enjoyed the Randy Savage VS. Ted DiBiase- Cage Match. Dibiase was such a great heel. Savage was awesome as a face. They had a 4 star cage match with no juice, wild bumps, and weapons. They used Virgil trying to go after Elizabeth [one of a kind character that can never be duplicated] to get big time heat. The climax of the match was Savage and Dibiase fighting at the top of the cage and a fan tried stopping Virgil from interfering.

Roddy Piper ruled as a baby face or heel in the 80's. Piper is one of the greatest talkers and workers in the 80's. I wished i worked with him in his prime. Luckily I met Piper last year and even took a picture with him [yes I'm still a big fan]. I saw the Jumping Bomb Angels VS. Glamour Girls match. The match blew me away in moves and psychology. That 21 year old match had me mesmorized by a group of wrestlers that I never saw before. I also enjoyed Honky Tonk Man Vs. Savage. The antics of Jimmy Hart, Honky threatening Elizabeth, and the intensity of Savage made this a awesome match.

I would reccomend this show to the current wrestlers. There are tons of hidden tricks on how to get a reaction, how to build towards a finish, and psychology. I find it amazing in N.Y. on how once you get over, you can work indies forever.

I got a chance to finally read Jerry Lawler's biography [better late than never]. Jerry is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. He literally talked the fans in to seeing him weekly in the old Memphis territory. In his day, Jerry coud make $$$$ against the oldest, greenest, and crappiest wrestlers. Jerry still entertains me today as a announcer on Raw. I enjoyed the history of the Memphis territory. The best parts was Jerry covering the Nick Gulas/Jerry Jarrett split for myself. I love old territory history. I also found Jerry to be very honest about his personal life. I loved the book, It also helps that he had a picture of us together on page #306. Did I mention Lawler even had a chapter about some of his rats?

I recently saw on the WWE web site that they listed some of the worst gimmicks ever. This brought back some memories of some of the crappiest gimmicks to me. Sometimes a booker visualizes a gimmick that they think will entertain and become a merchandising bonanza. Unfortunantly some of these brain child ideas look good on paper [at least to the booker], but they debut these characters to a live audience that rejects them. Here is my "Official Missy Hyatt List Of The Worst Gimmicks". These gimmicks might have sucked big time, but they are not a reflection on a wrestler being a bad person or worker. I'm hoping that I describe these characters well enough for a new generation of fans who did not suffer having to watch them.

1. Ding Dongs: Jim Herds brain child. Nobody else would want to take credit for two jobbers in orange body suits with bells on their ring attire. This was suppose to be WCW's answer to drawing kids to the matches. The Ding Dongs debuted on a live Clash Of Champions special. This was made worst that it was taped at a military base with soldiers. Needless to say that the military did not find these jabronies entertaining with their bells falling all over the ring and blown spots. The Ding Dongs would get booed out of the building and die a horrible death as jobbers to the wrestlers who actually did bring children and adults to the matches. Rumor has it that the Ding Dongs are getting a WWE Legends figure before me [I will be calling a massive Jakks protest if this actually happens].

2. P.N. News: Lets take a 400 pound Samoan and dress him in gold chains and shaved designs in his hair. This will be WCW's answer to the rap and wrestling connection. This wrestler had to do ther same crappy rap song in every match. WCW even brought in Salt and Pepper to give him a rub. This couldn't even save the 400 pounder in neon tights who even had a win over Steve Austin. Did i mention WCW even made a P.N. News shirt. Even Steve Austin didn't even have a WCW shirt [I actually had one, heh, heh!]. I actually teamed up with P.N. News against Arn Anderson and Paul Heyman on house shows. Sadly the fans only cared about the ending of the matches where I beat Paul. Sadly this occured during the Bash Tour '91. I remember we had to deal with "We Want Flair" chants every night. Good job Herd!

3. El Gigante: Lets take a seven foot NBA flop of a player to become a wrestler. This was made worst that he never watched basketball or wrestling prior to getting contracts. I never watched WNBA, arena football or IFL [but who does?], that doesn't mean I can get a contract in any of those sports. Some how Ric Flair had to do a program with this talent less wrestler. I even recall Flair pulling a watchable match out of this jabronie. His best line was "I Want Da Belt". For some reason WCW wanted me to pursuit El Gigante for a interview. If El Gigante can't hang with Flair on the mic, than how am I going to make him entertaining? Oh yeah, have me interview him in low cut tops and bathing suits. Even Vince and Undertaker couldn't save El Gigante. Did I mention that WWE made a Legends Figure of him. They should make a Legends figure on anybody who made him entertaining.

4. Oz: Kevin Nash made tons of $$$$. But he couldn't draw a dime if he kept this gimmick for his career. TBS bought the right to the Wizard Of Oz [what a coup, like we haven't seen that movie to death as a kid?]. Some how if 'The Wizard Of Oz' was cross promoted with wrestling, it would draw a new audience. They bought this ridiculous back drop of a castle for the entrance. Than Oz with this rididiculous wizard head as part of his entrance costume would come to the ring with a monkey and some gimp. I remember he debuted at Super Brawl in '91. The elaborate entrance stunk the building out with a sulphur smell. It also didn't help that the character stunk out the building even more. Luckily Oz died two months later. The gimmick haunts me. I wake up having nightmares that WWE calls me up and tells me that I'm getting a big push. I than find myself with a big wizard head and end up waking up screaming.

5. Kevin Sullivan's Slaughter House: Every fan has heard the legend of Kevin's psycho-devil worshipping gimmick in Florida. Every fan remembers Bam Bam Bigelow being one of the greatest big men in wrestling. Lets not forget Mick Foley [no explanation is needed for his career]. Lets take all of these great heels and make them in to sanitized bullies. No big juice angles on Dusty, Brody, or somebody that the fans might care about. Instead they feuded with Norman [formerly the Lunatic] and Captain Mike Rotundo [he's a sailor now, since he wears a Polo jacket]. Some how this great feud never made it to any of the Mick Foley DVD's that chronicle his career. Somehow Abdullah the Butcher was a baby face in this nonsense. Not the Abby that stabbs people with forks and pencils. Instead he was the loveable goof, who Norman would affectionately call "Boogie Man". No buys.

6. Robo Cop: Before TBS thought about cross promoting 'The Wizard Of Oz', WCW had Robo Cop. I admit I liked the Robo Cop movie. But not enough to almost give a movie character top billing for a pay per view. I remember that the legendary Horsemen had to run away from a sci-fi movie character that is walking to save Sting at a snails pace [I bet that angle didn't make the Horsemen DVD]. Did I mention the costume almost fell apart? That would have exposed Robo Cop as being played by a actor and not being a cop being brought back with modern technology.

7. Black Scorpion: Lets take Sting fresh off of winning his first world title and feud him with this lame 5 month angle. Its Oldie Anderson using his Darth Vader voice giving Sting hints that he's from his past. Did I mention his clues made no sense? Did I mention Sting would wrestle house shows against masked jobbers that are billed as the Black Scorpion. Lets not forget the magicians who harassed Sting with magic tricks. The big climax was at Starrcade. The Black Scorpion would be revealed as Ric Flair. What a surprise, especially when all the clues didn't make sense [will this angle make the new Ric Flair DVD?].

8. Dynamic Dudes: Before Johnny Ace was one of the most powerful people in the biz and Shane Douglas was a Franchise, they were the worst baby face team. This was suppose to be the new generation of the Rock-N-Roll Express. They would come to the ring with skate boards [Johnny eventually learned to use it. Can't say the same for Shane] and strip off their bright neon shorts to the delight to nobody. Why wonder the fans cheered wildly when Cornette turned on them. Luckily Johnny Ace would make it big in All Japan by working a hard stiff style [I would rather strip off neon shorts off instead] and Shane would be a Franchise. Talent can overcome bad gimmicks.

9. Dink, Wink, and Pink: I love the Doink character. Especially when he was a heel. Unfortunantly WWE thought he would be more appealing as a baby face. I guess they were right. Since I had to endure Funny Clowns, Wrestling Clowns, Doink #2, Dunk The Clown, and every other Doink knock off name you can think of on the indy scene. There was three or four fake Doinks working the indy scene nightly at some point. It even reminded me of when Krusty The Clown made a Krusty school, that way he can send a look a like to his crappy bookings. WWE eventually introduced a midget Doink named Dink. I will not end my careeer until I fight Dink. This ruined the Doink character for me. Even Luna had to sell silly string from the clowns. We all know Luna could kill both of them. This was made worst when they added more midgets to Doink [Wink and Pink]. Did I mention the midgets feuded with Jerry Lawler and his midget look a likes [Queezie. Weezie, and Sleezie].

10. Beach Blast Mini Movie: WCW thought by spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on mini movies, it would translate in to paying customers buying pay per views. Wrong! I think they spent thousands to scare away fans from the product. Check this plot out for trying to draw a buy rate. Keep in mind that there is porn with better story lines. Sting and Davey Boy Smith are on a deserted island with minors [that's already disturbing]. Vader and Harley Race [Hall Of Famers] and Sid and Col. Robert Parker take a boat to the island. The heels offer the faces guranteed money to not wrestle them at Beach Blast. The faces look at the kids all depresssed and turn down the offer [what wrestler ever turnns down guranteed $$$$?]. Heels decide to get the last laugh by using a midget with a shark fin to blow up the baby faces boat. Even I can't make this crap up. Sting is stooged about the bomb by one of the kid's. Instead of calling the authorities, Sting decides to investigate the bomb. I guess Sting also doubles as a bomb technician when he was in WCW. Davey Boy Smith finds about the bomb and saves Sting before the bomb explodes. Ughh! This was made worst that the heels would be interviewed by Flair on the same show and sell this angle as a shoot. Than the same show had Mick Foley having amnesia and wandering the streets. Did I mention how I stopped watching wrestling all together for a short period of time in '93-'94? Did I mention how a baby face being juiced by a 49 cent razor blade could have drawn more $$$ than the hundreds of thousands they spent on this movie? Its been 15 years later and I still bitch about how this was one of the worst television episodes ever. It almost had me stop watching wrestling completely. Keep in mind I was a full time television employee that was at all of the television tapings. I bet the mini movie is on youtube and some fans think it's a classic. I wonder if the mini movie aged well after 15 years?

On 6/21 I will be at the Fan Slam Wrestling convention in Totowa, N.J. [www.FanSlamWrestling.com]. Tommy Fierro [I worked his first convention when he was a teenager] is celebrating his 15th anniversary of his first convention. Tommy always runs a first class convention for the fans. You never have to worry about false advertising and angry wrestlers getting stiffed. I'm glad to be a part of his convention. He got a great line up [Al Snow, Eugene, Bill Demott, Scotty Too Hotty, Tomko, and others]. I can't wait to see Angelina Love. I am such a big fan of her work. She is the best female wrestling heel out there in personality and interviews. Awesome Kong is also going to be there [I might fight her for $25,000]. The best reason to come to the convention is to see Buddy Roberts. Buddy rules and is one of the greatest heels that I ever seen as a fan and being in the biz. The convention will have tons of fan functions, raffles, and me! Sounds like it won't be the standard convention of waiting on lines, get your autograph, than leave. Kudos to Tommy for his plan to make this convention different. With the rise in gas prices and summer activities, I knew I couldn't blow off my invitation to this convention. If you can't get enough of a afternoon of Missy. Than follow me down to Lake Hiawatha, N.J. for the WSU show. When you combine the convention and the WSU show, you got a great wrestling day.

Unfortunantly I didn't win the RAW Million this week. I didn't even win the freaking $2.00 prize. Ughh! Last time I go to temple, do good deads, and help small dogs to get some good karma to win the million. I guess I'm back to being bitchy to everybody.

Tags: Missy Hyatt, WWE, WWF, Lanny Poffo, Ted DiBiase, Roddy Piper, Honky Tonk Man, Jerry Lawler, WCW, Ric Flair, Bam Bam Bigelow, Mick Foley, Abdullah the Butcher, Black Scorpion, Sting, Shane Douglas, Rock-N-Roll Express, Vader, Robert Parker, Buddy Roberts