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The Impact Report

Posted: Aug 23rd 2007 By: Chance Ryan

Are you ready, or, as the announcer Ray Martinez got the crowd to say, "Listo?" Which in Spanish means "Go", which he then asked the audience to respond with a "Si!" So I guess as they responded with a "Si", you have also said "Si!"

As I stated, first to the ring was the best announcer in pro wrestling Ray Martinez who was about to start off the show, until Thomas Patrick came to the ring which interrupted Martinez in an untimely manner. But before Martinez could continue, he was interrupted by a video from the back to Impact Inc.?s office where the discussion was centered on Football until a disturbed looking Brad Michaels interrupted his fellow members by screaming why he didn?t have the MSWA Mid-South Heavyweight title around his waist. Johnny Z was the one to take control of the hysterical Michaels as he told him that by the end of the night he would be wearing the title he never really lost because it was IZW Impact Division Champion John O?Malley who cost him his title to Nathan Sensation. This brought a smile to Brad?s face as he left the office to Gary Tool yelling "Boomer Sooner!"

After the video, Ray Martinez brought attention back to the ring where he announced the following match: Brad Michaels up against the returning Jeff Starchild who was looking to upset Bad Brad just as Nathan Sensation had done the week before. But before the match truly began it would be a battle of their bodies? Yes, the battle of bodies as Starchild started it off by slowly removing his rhinestone jacket to reveal a chiseled body that got a reaction out of all the girls in the audience. So Michaels believed that he would get an even bigger reaction by removing his Old School Assassins jacket, so starting to strip Bad Brad got a loud negative reaction that only served to infuriate the already unstable Michaels. So the match was on, Bad Brad took control with a strong tight choking headlock that seemed to catch Jeff by surprise but it was only a matter of seconds before Starchild slipped out of the headlock and engaged in a series of moves that took Brad by surprise. But Brad started to unleash a set of knees and elbows in retaliation but Starchild saw the advantage after Bad Brad missed a big right hand, hitting a big backdrop which only got Michaels so angry he seemed to snap! A relentless flurry of moves followed ranging from Muay Thai style knees, striking kicks, clutch holds that were locked in to the point of Jeff Starchild almost submitting in the middle in the ring. But Bad Brad's string of success seemed to get to his head resulting in him missing 2 elbow drops; a leg drop, head butt and knee drop that seemed right on target but could not connect. Starchild happened to receive his second wind and unleashed an atomic drop to Bad Brad Michaels' family jewels, a vicious snap suplex, a strong side slam, and a high-flying diving cross body. This series of moves should have put Michaels away, but it was not to be as he proceeded to kick out at 2, stagger to his feet and hit his huge clothesline that seemed to decapitate Starchild. Bad Brad Michaels signaled for the end, but the Human Action Figure would not stay down as he was somehow able to lock a Torture Rack in temporarily before Bad Brad Michaels weaseled out of the submission, putting Jeff Starchild in position and unloading with the vicious Piledriver that only cements the ?Old School Assassin? reputation of Bad Brad Michaels as he was able to pick up the 1-2-3 on the younger, athletic but yet rash Jeff Starchild.


Next up would be the first Lucha Libre rules match in Impact Zone Wrestling, 2 teams of Luchadors from Mexico would be making their debut in a tag match in which there didn?t have to be tags. Lucha Libre is roughly translated into "Free Fight" and that?s what the match was; a fight because these 2 teams were out for vengeance! Introducing first the larger team of Dr. Muerte and Zadaky both fully dressed in black, against the team much more quicker team of Centella and El Dorado! The match started out with the tallest man in the match Zadaky against Centella who was doubled team from the get go by the team of Muerte and Zadaky. After taking care of Centella the dark duo turned their attention over to the Gold dressed El Dorado who was beaten to the outside where the fans were showing their disapproval against Muerte and Zadaky, which only got threatening remarks, gestures and even attempted attacks on the fans by the rude Doctor. After feeling they had taken enough, Centella and Dorado hit simultaneous dropkicks on to their arch-nemesises knocking them to the outside, then releasing a plancha and an apron standing elbow drop to the outside of the ring. But the rally would not be long lasting, as the masked Rudos took control of their smaller opponents on the outside tossing them around, but this tossing around gave Centella and El Dorado a chance to escape their giant adversaries to climb opposite corners to hit moonsault presses to their opponents. But the larger dark duo did not take this well, as they seemed to just shake off the aerial assaults, proceeded to retrieve a chair from ringside and proceeded to hit Centella not once but 3 times with the chair, before Zadaky applied a two handed choke to get a KO victory by ref Thomas Patrick ending the first ever Lucha Libre match in IZW.

So after the history making match, the ever professional Ray Martinez announced it would be the ?Irish Phenom? Big John O?Malley next out to the ring against the ?MSWA Heavyweight champion? Nathan Sensation! Before the match began, Big John was given the microphone to get some things off his chest, first that he couldn?t feel better for costing ?Bad? Brad Michaels his MSWA Heavyweight championship to the young Nathan Sensation, who he then proceeded to congratulate on the win of his title, but said it was his interfering that won Sensation the title so he wanted some return! By putting the title on the line, which Sensation agreed to, and after a handshake the match was on! It was the strong O?Malley who was able to start the match off locking in an arm wringer that seemed to be twisting the elbow of Nathan out of its socket into a strong hammerlock into a headlock that tightened itself with each passing moment. But Sensation used his wireyness to his advantage by slipping out and locking in a hammerlock of his own followed by a headlock on the much larger opponent, which didn?t sit well with O?Malley as he proceeded to toss Nathan off into the ropes but being taken by surprise with a cross body that John only caught at the last moment, attempting to unload his smaller opponent O?Malley proceeded to toss Nathan Sensation over his head, but Nathan showed great quickness by landing to his feet with cat-like agility. Nathan locked a waistlock deeply in, but not deep enough as John O?Malley used his patented Butt Bump to release Nathan?s grip, having O?Malley reverse into a bigger waistlock into a big slam against the mat which allowed John to lock in a neck vice slowly choking Sensation, but once again Nathan was able to slip out of the headlock into a series of moves ending with a dropkick that made the big man stumble almost to his back. This awakened a sleeping giant as John O?Malley proceeded to unload a huge German Suplex that KO?d Nathan Sensation who seemed out of it, a huge body slam, followed by a 747 sized body splash but not before finally hitting an earth shaking suplex. But John would not end the match, as he proceeded to Irish whip Sensation into the ropes, going for a clothesline?but Nathan was able to save himself by sliding on his knees into the ropes, holding on to them for dear life, a life that was hanging in the balance as John proceed to use his size to club the neck of Nathan Sensation with his huge hands! Irish whipping Sensation into the corner was a signal that the end was near, and he would be attempting the Guinness Hangover, putting Nathan on the top turnbuckle was his mistake because Nathan was able to punch, kick, and boot the giant down proceeding to signal for his fast-becoming-famous Diving Headbutt as he proceeded to go through the air. The crowd was ecstatic as he was able to connect with the Diving Headbutt, but the move of desperation only got a 2 count. A frustrated Sensation used an underlying strength as he proceeded to whip John into the corner, hitting a big Stinger-style splash! But it was only a fazing blow, as he proceeds to just clothesline the guts out of Nathan Sensation signaling the end, as he proceeded to put him in position before unleashing the ?Guinness Hangover? for the 1-2-3 and the title win, so it seemed that your NEW MSWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION was the ?Irish Phenom? Big John O?Malley.

But as I said it seemed, because out of the back came the owner Johnny Z who proceed to call the crowd imbeciles, even yelling at a young child in the crowd! He then proceeded to unload a hate filled speech on a certain Bad Boy who never showed up with his cronies. Johnny Z then went on to address his boy Brad Michaels' loss against Nathan Sensation. To which John Zorthos said no, that he was there to confiscate his title and give it back to the rightful champion, ?Bad? Brad Michaels, because by the bylaws of MSWA if a title match is not made in MSWA then there can be no title change. This loop hole meant that ?Bad? Brad Michaels never lost the title; this got the happy looking Michaels out to the ring to take his title back, celebrate, and unload a big kiss? Yes that?s right a big kiss on Johnny Z who seemed to be as shocked as the crowd was stunned. So neither Nathan Sensation nor ?Irish Phenom? Big John O?Malley have held the MSWA Heavyweight title ?officially?.

So after the shocking news had barely settled, we were drawn to the back with a video of Marianne Albright running into Michael Barry, The IZW Champion proceeded to ask where her candidate was that night because he hadn?t seen him around. We were then informed by the ?Secretary of the Press? Marianne that he was out on the presidential campaign trail for the 2020 election. Barry then asked where the ?Big Guy? was, referring to Thomas Rumsfeld, who proceeded to enter the room uninvited yelling at both Marianne and Michael. Michael then said he meant no disrespect to the champ, but then remembered he was the champ because he won their match! As Michael Barry proceeded to leave the confused ?Special Defense Operative? leader, he proceeded to ask why Marianne was talking to Michael Barry anyway. She just replied again that they were just talking!

This video only proceeded into Thomas Rumsfeld coming to the ring dragging along Marianne Albright by the arm a little abusively. It was then announced by the worried Ray Martinez that he would be taking on the local fan favorite Striker who came out to a loud ovation of the audience knowing his past success in OKC. Once again the moving muscle mass Thomas Rumsfeld would be taking on an opponent that would test his strength. Starting out with a bull horn strong tie up neither man could get a substantial advantage on their equal sized opponent, another tie up against 2 mammoth men resulted in Striker using his ring veteran knowledge to use speed instead of strength to take down the larger Rumsfeld with a quick arm drag. But it would only affect Thomas minimally as he proceeded to charge Striker into the corner unloading clubbing blows in the corner on the shocked Striker who fell to his feet. Taking him by surprise allowed Thomas Rumsfeld to start choking the veteran with the bottom rope. Seeing that the match was all but his, Thomas Rumsfeld wanted to wrap it up quickly, as he proceeded to reach over and remove a chair from the audience that was going to be used to crack open the head of Striker. Going for a massive chair shot, Striker bypassed the enraged Rumsfeld who almost struck Marianne who was at ringside, snapping back to reality, Thomas turned around with the chair in his hand into Striker releasing a blow that smacked the chair against the skull of Thomas Rumsfeld. Striker entered the ring to break the count and catch his breath, Rumsfeld slowly climbed the ring apron getting to his feet barely before Striker attempted to toss him over the top rope, but Rumsfeld''s strength was too much as he proceeded to just toss Striker to his back. Entering the ring and proceeing to lift his laid out opponent, Rumsfeld attempted a clothesline that connected on the jaw of Strike. Feeling that only one more move would do it, Thomas picked up the dazed Striker and proceeded to whip him off the ropes. But Striker was able to catch everyone by surprise by hitting a Rocker Dropper for a count of 2! Striker who had finally entered back into reality, attempted to hit a Russian leg sweep but Thomas Rumsfeld just swung and knocked out Striker with an illegal object supplied to him by Marianne Albright while he was on the ground after the Rocker Dropper, throwing them back to Marianne she proceeded to slip them down her shirt as Thomas picked up the 1-2-3, the win and redemption for the 2 losses in previous weeks.

After a brief intermission, we were informed by the ever diligent Ray Martinez that next show will be 5 Dollars, that?s right 5 dollars; adult and kid tickets only 5 dollars, 5 dollars people, 5 dollars to see the best professional wrestling in Oklahoma!

The ZorthoTron 420 proceeded to switch on and we where treated to Bernie D of Impact Inc. praying that who ever was in the bathroom would be done so he could go, because he had to go bad! But the bathroom door opened an out came ?Coach? Gary Tool who was waving the air, giving a warning to his fellow Impact Inc member. So just as Bernie Donderwitz was finally able to enter the bathroom, Team Shenanigans came up on the door to perform some SHENANIGANS! Kenny Campbell then proceeded to show us that he had brought tape along and that Bernie D was about to be Mutie, um, hog tied. Team Shenanigans had caught Bernie D with his pants down, but no matter what, the main event would go on, that main event being Impact Inc .vs. Team Shenanigans for the IZW Tag Team Titles.

The Semi-Main Event would be for the IZW Heavyweight, as Damon Winzor would get the chance of a life time against ?Mr. Saturday Night? Michael Barry who has been IZW Heavyweight champion for the entire year. The match started off with Damon actually hitting a knee that seemed to take Michael Barry by surprise but Mr. Saturday Night showed that the champion was going to stay the champion that night proceeding to school the young Winzor with a wrestling clinic. A drop toe hold brought the tall intimidating Damon Winzor to his knees, a headlock worked its way up to allow Michael to hit a huge hiptoss towards the corner, this allowed him to position David perfectly for a flurry of punches and chest reddening chops! Michael Barry finished up his onslaught with a toss out of the corner that seemed to just scare Damon Winzor. Shaken, Damon proceeded to miss a clothesline that should have taken the head off of Michael Barry, but it was Michael Barry who capitalized hitting a huge cross body that took Winzor off his feet. But it was not enough to keep the big man down, as he proceeded to turn the match in his favor by using his size to manage Barry into the corner where he proceeded to cheat by choking the champ on the top rope, finishing up his dastardly series of moves by hitting a neck breaker on the top rope while jumping to the outside. Could Damon Winzor upset the champ? Could a new champion be crowned? Damon Winzor thought so as he slipped back into the ring picking up Mr. Saturday Night to his feet, which allowed Michael Barry to hit a Diamond Cutter that laid out the naive Winzor. Signaling for the Saturday Night Special to put this match in the books, somehow Damon Winzor got out of the move, proceeded to hit a huge headbutt, a Russian leg sweep, and a huge back body drop. This series of moves could put any lower wrestler on his back, but Michael Barry rolled to his feet and blasted Damon Winzor with the Saturday Night Special to get the 1-2-3! But ?Mr. Saturday Night? Michael Barry?s celebration was short lived as Thomas Rumsfeld proceeded to unload on the unsuspecting Michael Barry with his new finisher ?When the Bow Breaks!? (Half Nelson Pumphandle Suplex) getting his revenge for him talking to Marianne Albright.

We were now on the brink of the big main event, it would be the teams of Impact Inc. consisting of Johnny Z and Bernie D against Team Shenanigans, Tyler Bateman and Kenny Campbell for the IZW Tag Team titles! Or at least that?s what was scheduled, because once the music of Impact Inc started only Johnny Z made his way to ringside wondering where Bernie D was at even after Team Shenanigans had made their entrance holding the 2 beautiful golden belts that deemed them the tag team champions, Bernie was nowhere to be seen. This infuriated the already-on-edge Johnny Z, who demanded the microphone from Ray Martinez who handed it over willingly. After a little bit of questioning of Team Shenanigans by Zorthos on where the location of Bernie was, Johnny Z said he didn?t have to do this and proceeded to exit the ring heading towards the back. But Team Shenanigans would have none of this, as they proceeded to drag Johnny Z back to the ring starting the match with Tyler Bateman taking control of Zorthos first, after a double leg sweep he followed up with a bit of Knee 2 tha Nutz! Johnny?s family jewels must have been crushed cause he couldn?t stop screaming in agony for BERNIE!
Tagging in Kenny, Team Shenanigans proceeded to make a wish by attempting to snap Johnny Z?s wishbone which it seemed Kenny got a bigger piece of because he proceeded to unload a huge power slam on the agonized Zorthos who kept screaming for Bernie to help! Trying to scurry from ringside Zorthos began to crawl to the ropes, this left him open for a openhanded palm slap to the rear, otherwise known as a spanking. After proceeding to give Johnny Z a total of 4 spankings after chasing him around ringside in which Tyler even got a swat or 2 on him, Johnny Z seemed all but ready to actually get back in the ring and finish the match before it went any more embarrassingly in his direction. But it would not be, as Kenny proceeded to tag in Tyler who did a well placed kick to the ring ropes while Johnny Z was attempting to enter the ring which got him another pain down there between his legs. Tyler was not through yet as he proceeded to give Zorthos a Japanese style big back drop that made Zorthos check into Dream Land, dazed and confused, Zorthos couldn?t do anything but recieve a tag team move of Tyler holding his body up in a front face lock which allowed Kenny to come in after a tag and hitting a massive super spank from the top. All seemed in Shenanigans' corner, Zorthos had been at a disadvantage from the beginning by the Dynamic Duo of Bateman and Campbell! But a brief moment of hope glimmered in the eye of Zorthos who was able to put his boot to Kenny?s face followed by a pinpoint accurate elbow drop to the neck of Kenny while he was on all 4?s. Seeing his opening, Zorthos proceeded to whip Kenny off the ropes but after a little bit of a do-see-do, Kenny capitalized in the end with a huge standing spine buster that was truly spine bustering! At that very moment of Kenny?s huge slam, Bernie D made his way to ringside all taped up from head to toe, this brief distraction of Johnny Z who had made his way to the ropes, pulling himself up to his feet but not long before Tyler Bateman was able to capatilize with an O?Conner Roll for the 1-2-3 and the retaining of the IZW Tag Team titles. So once again Team Shenanigans had vanquished Impact Inc, but not before humiliating Bernie D and Johnny Z a little more by tossing Bernie into Johnny Z?s waiting split legs, to give Bernie a taste of Johnny Z?s crushed and broken family jewels. Team Shenanigans made their way to the back, but not before finishing their day with a pose to signify they had won the match in more ways then one. After Johnny Z was able to finally remove the tape that had prevented Bernie from helping him in their match, he berated him with the continual question of asking him ?What?s wrong with you? but not before Bernie fell to the outside of the ring while rolling out.

Once again an amazing show from IZW comes to an end sadly, we saw 3 title matches that saw one title change hands but not before it was stripped back to the champion that ?never? lost it. Saw a man release pure jealousy with a destructive move that might have injured the champ. And once again Impact, Inc. had failed at their goal of capturing the IZW Tag Team titles from Team Shenanigans. So all in all, an amazing night from the greatest independent pro wrestling federation in the United States of America, Impact Zone Wrestling, better known as IZW! P.S. Don?t forget next show will be only 5 dollars, how can you justify missing out on a show for only 5 dollars?