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St. Valentine's Day Massacre: The Top-10 Least Romantic Moments in WWE History

Posted: Feb 14th 2012 By: mikeiles

The 14th February is synonymous with love and romance.

Known the world over for its themes, Valentine's Day is an occasion in which lovers can express their feelings for each other through the giving and receiving of gifts, flowers and greetings cards.

I though, am somewhat of a Scrooge for Valentine's Day, and the following slideshow will explore the 10 least romantic angles, moments and storylines in WWE History.

Honourable Mentions

Any segment involving Zack Ryder and Eve Torres:

Don't get me wrong, I like Zack Ryder, and Eve is actually one of the less annoying barbie doll divas. Unfortunately, together though, these two are unbearable.

WWE needs to find a way to make Ryder relevant again, and hopefully an appearance in Sunday's ambulance match between Cena and Kane could develop Ryder's character to the next level.

Vince taunts a wheelchair-stricken Linda McMahon:

In one of the more disturbing McMahon-centric storylines, Vince's long-suffering wife was portrayed as comatose for several weeks and confined to a wheelchair on Friday night Smackdown!

After demanding a divorce from his wife, McMahon found great delight in taunting Linda who had reportedly suffered a nervous breakdown, namely in having a very public on-screen affair with lackey Trish Stratus.

Thankfully the situation reached a satisfying conclusion at Wrestlemania X-Seven, with a returning Shane McMahon scoring a victory over his father in a street fight, thanks largely due to an assist from Linda.

William Regal becomes the inaugral member of the "Kiss My Ass Club":

After defeating the Alliance in the 2001 WCW Invasion angle, the boss, in his infinite wisdom, would form Vince McMahon's Kiss My Ass Club, wherein superstars would be ordered to kiss his ass in the middle of the ring in order to save their job.

On the November 19th 2001 episode of Monday Night Raw, William Regal became the first member sworn in, being forced to pucker up as punishment for joining the Alliance during the angle.

10. Booker T and Sharmell Haunted by the Boogeyman

The Boogeyman's first short WWE run was a straightforward one.

He was a creepy stalker, whom first targeted JBL's "fixer" Jillian Hall (culminating in the infamous face-growth biting incident), but subsequently developed a fascination with the wife of Booker T, Sharmell.

The feud between the two would end prematurely at Wrestlemania 22, with Boogeyman pinning Booke rafter kissing Sharmell with a mouthful of worms. The match was however cut short due to a bicep injury sustained by the "nightcrawler" at a house show.

The above clip with the abduction of Sharmell makes it to the number 10 spot on this list based purely on the foreplay between the two, Boogeyman's frothing mouth and excited jig just make it special for me.

9. The Great Khali Kisses His Chances of Winning the Royal Rumble Goodbye

In 2010, Beth Phoenix became only the second-ever female participant in the Royal Rumble match, after Chyna.

Being faced with the Great Khali, the Glamazon used her ingenuity to eliminate the Punjabi Playboy with a good tonsil lock on the ring apron.

Phoenix was eventually eliminated by CM Punk in the match, but her elimination of Khali remains as one of the most unconventional and romantic eliminations in the history of the annual battle royale.

8. Kaientai Goes "Choppy Choppy on Pee Pee" of Val Venis

The Big Valbowski lived by the sword and nearly died by it in this particular instance.

Making a pesky habit of sleeping with the wives of other superstars, Venis finally got his commupance when betrayed by tag team partner Taka Michinoku on Monday Night Raw.

Having slept with Yamaguchi-San's kayfabe wife, the Kaientai stable leader would retaliate by attempting to castrate the former porn star with a sword.

The following week Val returned to action, attributing his miraculous recovery to "a little shrinkage" and help from his friend John Wayne Bobbitt.

It is Val's explanation of events which ultimately gains him a place at number 8 on this list.

7. An R.K.O Sealed with a Kiss

The 2009 Royal Rumble saw Randy Orton emerge victorious from the match by eliminating former Evolution stablemate Triple H last.

Along with new stable Legacy (comprising of Orton, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase jnr), the Viper simultaneously began to attack the owners of the WWE, and HHH's family, the McMahons; punting both Vince and Shane and RKOing Stephanie, the wife of the Game.

The video above shows one of the more remarkable moments of the feud. With Triple H handcuffed to the ropes, Orton would proceed to R.K.O. Stephanie and subsequently seal it with a kiss in front of her husband. How romantic.

A particularly vicious feud culminated in a match for the WWE Championship between Trips and Orton at Wrestlemania XXV.

6. Kane Knocks Up Lita

2004 saw one of the more intriguing storylines in the WWE.

Matt Hardy and Lita were reunited, as Hardy attacked Kane in order to protect his former Team Xtreme stablemate from the Devil's favourite demon.

In the following weeks however, Kane seemed to develop a strong obsession with Lita, eventually managing to kidnap the female star.

Shortly afterward, it was revealed that Lita had fallen pregnant to Kane, whom she had slept with in order to deter the Big Red Machine from his continual attacks on Hardy.

The feud ultimately settled in a "Till Death Do Us Part" match at Summerslam, where Lita would be obliged to marry the winner of the match. Kane would go on to defeat Hardy in order to win Lita's hand in marriage.

If that's not romance then I don't know what is....

5. George "The Animal" Steele Crushes on Miss Elizabeth

One of the craziest heels of all-time, George "The Animal" Steele was as much like a wild animal in the ring as he was a wrestler.

In his most noteworthy feud, Steele developed strong feelings for Miss Elizabeth, the valet of Macho Man Randy Savage, and would subsequently go on to take part in a long-running programme with Savage over both Miss Elizabeth and the Intercontinental Title.

The Animal's obsession with Miss Elizabeth was romantic enough of a gesture in itself, but the subsequent development of George bringing "Mine" (a stuffed animal presumed to be a surrogate of Elizabeth) to the ring, is what makes this story so heartwarming.

4. HHH Weds Stephanie McMahon

Stephanie McMahon looked set to marry on-screen partner Test in late 1999.

This plan soon took an unexpected turn however during the in-ring ceremony, with Triple H appearing to break the news that he had in fact already married Vince's daughter in Las Vegas by drugging her and partaking in a drive-through ceremony.

And they say romance is dead?

Stephanie would appear distraught at first, but would go on to reveal that the wedding was in fact real and merely a revenge plot against her father in following weeks.

3. Billy Gunn/Chuck Palumbo Life Partnership Ceremony

One of WWE's more questionable booking decisions in 2002 saw the duo of Billy and Chuck enter into a highly controversial gimmick of being involved in a homosexual relationship.

In September, Gunn would accept Palumbo's proposal of life partnership, with the ceremony to be aired on Smackdown!

This in itself may have warranted an inclusion in the top-10 most romantic moments (though probably not), however during the ceremony both men revealed that they were in fact just good friends, and the gimmick of homosexuality was just a publicity stunt gone too far.

GLAAD's denouncement of the WWE in it's decision to pull the plug on this storyline is probably one of the main reasons that the company have been cautious in utilising the gimmick subsequently.

2. The Katie Vick Incident

In October 2002 (a stellar year for the WWE as the last two slides have shown), Kane and Triple H began a programme feuding over both the World Heavyweight and Intercontinental championships.

In the build up to their match at No Mercy, the Cerebral Assassin would claim that Kane had been involved in an unrequited relationship in the past, with a mystery woman named Katie Vick.

After claiming that Vick had been killed in a car crash, Trips would go on to accuse the Big Red Monster of fornicating with the body, even showing mock footage of the necrophilic act, with HHH himself dressed as Kane.

1. Mark Henry "Fathers" Mae Young's Hand And/or Child

Thanks to Mark Henry's dominant WHC title run in 2011 and his rebranded "Hall of Pain" gimmick, many may forget one of the most disturbing angles ever conceived by the WWE.

As part of his "Sexual Chocolate" moniker, Henry would manage to romance the 80-year-old Mae Young over a series of increasingly embarrassing vignettes.

Quite unbelievably, it was bought to light that the pair had managed to conceive a child, but this angle was very soon made to be even more controversial, with Young only giving birth to a hand.

This story has to be seen to believed, but it is without a shadow of a doubt the least romantic moment in WWE history.