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Two Cents Worth

Posted: May 2nd 2011 By: mikeiles

TWO-CENTS WORTH: A DOUBLE SHOT OF DUB

I was unable to get to coverage of the March event, because if you?ve heard, I?m the new co-host of MWA radio along with Scott James, and we were working out the details, so my time was pre-occupied. By the way, if you haven?t heard the new radio show, we?ve already had two great guests in the form of current MWA Max-Division champion, ?Darling? Dustin Heritage, and the new current MWA ring announcer, ?Hardtimes? Dexter Hardaway.

The March event saw the debut of a lot of new faces to the MWA. Beginning with the first match Dustin Heritage introduced his new valet in the form of women?s professional wrestling legend, Sandy Partlow. With the recent happenings between the members of Excellence Personified, one has to wonder about the relationship between Heritage and EP Kingpin (no pun intended) ?The Kingpin? Mike Iles. Heritage continued to prove his nearly year-long dominance of the Max division by overcoming his biggest competitor to date, in the form of the near 400 pound Silo Sam. While Silo Sam had the strength and size advantage, Heritage was able to utilize his quickness and experience to do what he does best?take the competition to the max. Heritage was able to recover from several devastating moves including a power slam, a splash, and a running splash into the corner. However, Heritage was able to land the code breaker to secure the victory and retain the title.

In a battle of luchadore-style wrestling, two men debuted for MWA in the form of the arrogant Sebastian Envi and the masked, Crow. Although the crowd didn?t particularly care for Envi, the young grappler showed plenty of appreciation for himself, running around the ring celebrating after every move he executed. Despite the vast array of moves from Envi, Crow mounted a comeback, nailing a 6-1-9-style maneuver (or 9-1-8, for the fans of former MWA star El Super Colibri). Finally, Crow hit Envi with a double knee to the chest from the second rope, which secured the victory for the masked man.

Chris Morrison returned to the MWA, and he was as brash and cocky as ever. However, his opponent, ?The Human Action Figure? Jeff Starchild, was willing to bring the young Morrison back down to Earth. Morrison began the match by slapping Starchild, however, Starchild quickly returned the favor and began attacking. Starchild then went for a corner splash and hit it, but missed with the second splash, which led to an exploder suplex from Morrison. However, Starchild was able to persevere and get the victory after nailing the blockbuster.

In a grudge match, ?Terrific? Tim Rockwell fought his former Texas, Inc. partner and uncle, Bernard Funk. The two previously were one of the best tag-teams in the state, holding several tag-team titles, including the MWA tag-team titles. However, after losing the titles, the duo split with Rockwell retiring Funk from active competition. When Funk returned as a spectator in the crowd for MWA, Rockwell verbally attacked his uncle leading to a spark that ignited another feud. Rockwell may have bitten off more than he could chew, as the tough veteran, Funk, came to fight. After a limited amount of offense, Rockwell decided he had had enough, so he went to the locker rooms. Funk was quick to follow, resulting in a count-out for both competitors.

Due to problems with his flight, newly named MWA tag-team champion could not make it to the event, leaving his partner, ?Luxembourg Beast? Dutch Hagen, to defend the titles himself. Hagen?s manager, ?Big? Stevie Caballero, declared that without a partner, Hagen shouldn?t have to defend the titles. MWA Director of Operations, ?Smokin?? Bud Guffey had other ideas and announced that he had found a partner for Hagen. It was none other than Hagen?s manager, Caballero. While it was not a popular decision with the duo, the crowd loved the idea, as well as the challengers to the titles, ?Third Generation Superstar? Max McGuirk and ?Broken Arrow Bad Boy? Justin Lee, collectively known as Bad Bromance. Caballero is not a wrestler and despite Hagen?s best efforts, he was facing two of the best wrestlers in Oklahoma. Bad Bromance proved to be too much for Hagen, and the long tag-team title reign of the Foreign Legion came to an end. Bad Bromance were crowned the new MWA tag-team champions.

The final debut of the March event was revealed as the enormous grappler known as Lumberjack Lambert. Standing in the way of his successful debut was the much smaller Canadian Red Devil. Lambert came to the ring carried a chainsaw with it running, which may have added an intimidation factor on Lambert?s behalf. Despite the efforts of Canadian Red Devil, Lambert proved to be a monstrous opposition. Lambert used a combination gut buster followed by a vicious power bomb to put the finish on Canadian Red Devil. Afterward, Lambert continued to attack Canadian Red Devil until Jeff Starchild made the save. Starchild threatened to attack Lambert with a chair, but Lambert took the chair from Starchild and began attacking himself, hitting himself in the head with the chair 6-8 times!!! It left the crowd wondering, who is going to be able to stop this monster?

The main event for the MWA March event was supposed to be for the MWA heavyweight title, between champion, ?Handsome? Jack Legacy, and ?Mr. Saturday Night? Michael Barry. However, Legacy was still recovering from an injury, so it was announced that ?Darling? Dustin Heritage would be defending his Max-Division title for a second time in the evening. This match would prove to be epic, as the student, Heritage, would be facing the teacher, Barry. In addition to that, these two men are former EP team mates, which added bad blood to this already volatile mix. Once the bell rang, the clinic began. Barry was able to kick out of the code breaker, a spring-board lariat, a low blow, in addition to whatever else Heritage was able to throw at him. Heritage, in return, was able to kick out of a superplex, a powerbomb, an F-5, and every other move that Barry had in his arsenal. Near the end of the match, referee Mark Wilson was knocked out, allowing Heritage to hit the superkick. However, no ref was available to count. Referee, Jeremy Evans, came to the ring, but Barry had enough time to recover and kicked out. Heritage went for a second superkick, but Barry reversed it into a Saturday-night special, getting the three count. But, Mark Wilson regained consciousness only to declare the match a no-contest, since he wasn?t able to make the count. So, Heritage was able to retain his Max-division title.

NOW ONTO APRIL!!!!

The April event for Maximum Wrestling alliance started with a bang, as the newly crowned tag-team champions, Bad Bromance (McGuirk & Lee), defended their titles against the duo of new-comer Mark Jacobs and the returning Longhorn Assassin. Going into the match, ol? J.W. thought Bad Bromance would have an easy time, since they have chemistry. However, the crafty Longhorn Assassin and the marine, Mark Jacobs, proved to be a formidable duo. The Longhorn Assassin used his power, while Jacobs used some of his military combat training, which seemed to throw Bad Bromance off of their game. However, Lee & McGuirk were able to overcome their adversaries in their first successful defense of the coveted MWA tag-team titles.

Chris Morrison returned, once again, to the MWA squared circle, and he had to be feeling like he was being thrown to the sharks. Between him and the winner?s end of the pay scale stood the 6?7? tower, Lumberjack Lambert. It was clear from the start that Morrison was overpowered, outsized, and lacked the experience of Lambert. What wasn?t expected was the sheer determination and heart of Morrison. He went right after Lambert, as if he, himself, were the stature of the big show. Morrison threw everything he had at the Paul Bunyon-like ox of a man. However, on this night, it would not be enough. Lambert hit Morrison with his vicious combination of a gut buster and powerbomb. The rest was ?elementary, dear Watson.? Lambert is now 2-0 in the MWA, and he is quickly catching the eye of the locker room.

After criticizing MWA officiating and film editing, Sebastian Envi returned to the MWA to prove that his loss in his debut match was a fluke. He had a qualified opponent in the form of the young, Richie Adams. For being a young grappler, Adams has the poise and technique of a wrestler that could be considered a veteran. True to fashion, after every move executed in the beginning of the match, Envi would run around the ring, celebrating as if he had just won the 100m dash at the Olympics. Unlike his MWA debut, however, Envi was able to do the one thing he failed to do at the March event?win. Though Adams is a great wrestler, he was left in envy of Sebastian Envi.

The resident oddball of MWA, ?White Trash? Gary Gram, returned to the ring, and immediately whipped the crowd into a frenzy of barking, which is Gram?s main form of communication. One had to wonder, though, if his bite was going to be more vicious that his bark, as he faced off against the former member of Da? Baldies from Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW), ?The Kingpin? Angel. Unlike his hardcore days in ECW or the many street fights Angel had as he was growing up, he had to face against the unorthodox stylings of the wild-man, Gary Gram. However, once the final bell rang, Angel was able to put a leash on the barking brawler and secure the victory, leaving Gram in the proverbial dog house.

The main event for the MWA April event pitted the Jet Setters, ?Handsome? Jack Legacy and ?Darling? Dustin Heritage, with Heritage?s main squeeze, Sandy Partlow, against former Excellence Personified brethren, ?Mr. Saturday Night? Michael Barry and a mystery partner. As part of my journalistic duty, I done my best to learn the identity of Barry?s tag-team partner, but it was kept a secret until Mr. Saturday Night introduced his partner himself, the legendary ?Hacksaw? Butch Reed. While the fans were excited, Heritage and Legacy were not pleased about facing the former WCW tag-team champion. Barry and Reed immediately went to work on the duo, using their power to their advantage. ?Handsome? Jack Legacy was the first man out of the cage, but Butch Reed was quick to follow, and the legend climbed over the top of the cage!!! He immediately got into a shouting match with Partlow, so he took it upon himself to extricate her from ringside by using her hair. This left Michael Barry and Dustin Heritage in the ring, but Heritage had the advantage, since Legacy remained at ringside. Heritage looked as if he were going to escape the cage, but Barry was able to stop him and deliver a devastating superplex to the Max-Division champion. Barry was trying to exit the cage, but he was met at the top of the cage by a chair-wielding Jack Legacy. However, Barry was able to use the chair to his advantage, knock Legacy off the cage, and escape to get the victory. Sources have indicated that Michael Barry has his sights set squarely on the MWA heavyweight title.

Now, I?ve got one more piece of the event to write about, and it was a part of the event that was so atrocious, so disgusting, that it turned my stomach. ?Terrific? Tim Rockwell came to the ring with the Longhorn Assassin to talk about his feud with his uncle, Bernard Funk. However, Rockwell took it a step further. He began to berate and degrade Funk?s wife and son, whom were sitting ringside. Being the man that he is, Funk came to the ring to attack Rockwell, but he was overmatched by his nephew and his cohort, Longhorn Assassin. The duo handcuffed Funk to the ring ropes and began to beat him. Being brave like his father, Funk?s son jumped into the ring and he was attacked by Rockwell and the Longhorn Assassin. Funk was able to get out of the handcuffs, as they had not been clasped very well, but he was immediately greeted with a Grapevine DDT. Then, he had to helplessly watch as his son received the same thing.

I hope Tim Rockwell is reading this because I have the following to say. Tim, professional wrestling is one thing. But, when you attack a man?s family, whether it?s verbally or physically, you cross into another realm. Being the man that he is, your Uncle Bernie is going to be looking for redemption, and I hope your antics were worth the price that you will most likely have to pay. Fans, you will not want to see the retort that Bernard Funk has waiting for his nephew, Tim Rockwell, when MWA returns to the Spavinaw School Gym on Friday, May 6, 2011. The tickets are only $5. I?ll see you there.

One final note: Be sure to check out MWA radio every other Thursday at 10:00 p.m. Our next radio talk show will be May 12th. You can visit the Facebook page of Maximum Wrestling Alliance to find out more information. As my radio co-host, Scott James, says?I?ll see you at the matches.

That?s my two-cents worth,
J. W. McGillicutty

Tags: MWA, Dustin Heritage, Dexter Hardaway, Excellence Personified, Mike Iles, Silo Sam, El Super Colibri, Chris Morrison, Jeff Starchild, Tim Rockwell, Texas, Inc., Bernard Funk, Dutch Hagen, Stevie Caballero, Bud Guffey, Max McGuirk, Justin Lee, Bad Bromance