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Missy's Manor: Not Rated Pro Wrestling DVD Review Part 2

Posted: Oct 21st 2008 By: CMBurnham

I'm back with a review of Not Rated Pro Wrestling's second DVD release. The DVD has the ultimate title of "Slamming At The Strip Club". Why do I have the feeling that it will contain more than wrestlers being slammed? I guess I'm the lucky recipient to review this DVD by default. Yea!

The DVD doesn't contain the cool message of "Don't Try This At Home" like the WWE DVD's. I thought this was a big mistake in my opinion. Now impressionable wrestling fans are going to have bloody back yard wrestling matches in their back yards with drunken sex orgies on the front yard. A simple disclaimer could have prevented this mess. I point the blame on the promoter.

Unfortunately Ron Jeremy is back to do the announcing. Ron could be more useful as a manager, back stage interviewer, commissioner, or any other function that doesn't expose that he knows NOTHING about wrestling. Now I'm stuck having to listen to him ask what each wrestling move is called for the next two hours. Ughh!

The DVD opens up with promoter Craig Valentine convincing Missy Vega [not the offspring between Savio Vega & myself] to "pay her dues". Welcome to the wrestling biz. Talk about a woman who is totally willing to put the promoter over. Craig Valentine is sporting his cool 'New Porn Order' t-shirt that can be purchased at www.newpornorder.com. I even asked the promoter for a shirt. I'll probably wear it at some family wrestling show in order to offend somebody. Just kidding!

Craig convinces Vega, since Craig is the champion to do "The Time Honored Tradition". The champion draws $$$ for everybody in the promotion. I guess Craig is like the NWA champion, when he's in town everybody gets a great pay day. Too bad Missy Vega has to take one for the team in order to satisfy the champ. Missy Vega's acting is atrocious. Now we know why she is in her entertainment field. Nothing like the promoter cutting a promo after he made Vega "Do The Job" .

The wrestling show is taped at a almost empty strip club. I assume most of the audience is having more fun in the champagne room. This leaves the remaining audience great seats to watch the wrestling.

The wrestling show opens up with Craig Valentine cutting a promo on his top rival in Evan Stone. Craig mentions how Evan is too busy at the bar taking pics with the girls. Evan is decked out in a Captain America outfit that is equipped with a condom shield. This outfit is AWESOME! Craig introduces Tommy Gunn [No, not the goof from Rocky]. Craig gives Tommy a VIP table with some hoochies in order to get him on his side. A poorly enraged Evan Stone knocks down the metal security barrier. We now go to Evan Stone being interviewed in the ring by Dale Dabone. Evan says nothing of note.

This DVD already feels like a episode of Impact. I just sat thru thirty minutes of promos, sex, and NO WRESTLING. Serves me right for wanting to watch wrestling on a adult DVD. I certainly missed the boat on looking for a wrestling alternative promotion.

We cut to another Craig Valentine promo in the locker room by Dale Dabone. Dale sarcastically puts Craig over. Craig mentions that he signs Dale's check. At least Craig is better than some indy promotions that don't pay. Craig rubbed it in that he made Dale part of the ring crew and Mary Carey's [Celebrity Rehab Alumni] assistant. Hey, at least Dale is paying his dues!

We now cut to Vampire Warrior and David Young in the locker room. Davis is looking at some contract and asks Vampire Warrior "Who's Mary Carey?" Vampire says the classic comment that "She's Some Old Drunk I Know". Apparently Mary wants Young and Vampire to wrestle. Vampire than says another great comment that "I Have Expensive Habits". One can only speculate on those habits.

We're thirty minutes in and we finally got a wrestling match. Ron Jeremy refers to the wrestlers as "Fighters". Apparently Ron Jeremy still can't identify who Vampire Warrior is, despite commentating on two shows. Ron mentions that Vampire's teeth are better for satisfying a guy than a woman. PLEASE FIRE RON! Ron is already annoying me with his horrible jokes.

David immediately drops to the mat and allows Vampire to pin him. This is reminiscent to Kevin Nash allowing Hogan to pin him with the finger poke. Too bad that finish helped kill WCW.

"We're Off To The Back" to a Pablo Marquez interview. Apparently Pablo got Matt Bateman's girlfriend in to the adult biz. Pablo says "She Can Now Support His "Dope Habit!"

This leads to Pablo VS. Matt Bateman. What does a enraged Bateman do to Pablo to start off this grudge match? That's right, a freakin' headlock. Ron is calling every move incorrectly. Ron is now talking about how UFC sucks. Ron is now describing how he can do the "Job" to himself. PLEASE KILL RON! Pablo is doing a decent job in keeping the match fast pace. Bateman wins with a suplex countered in to a roll up.

We're off to Evan Stone in the locker room. Evan is greated by some "Rat". The "Rat" is expressing how she is a big fan of his. By taping these scenes in the locker room, this allows the promotion to spend more $$$ in to the wrestling.

Right after the "Rat" is expressing her devotion to Evan, Craig attacks Evan. Evan than cuts one of one of the worst promos ever!

This leads to a bloody Craig going against Evan. Evan is AWEFUL as a wrestler. I mean "EL GIGANTE AWEFUL". They are brawling all over the strip club. There are more blown spots in this match than in the adult scenes. We get a ref bump and a run in. Tommy Gunn interferes on behalf of Evan. Evan is the new NEW PORN ORDER CHAMPION.

We are off to a promo with Richard Fitzwell doing a "Right To Censor" gimmick. Wasn't he a motivational speaker on the last DVD? This leads to a confrontation with Bull Buchanan.

Fitzwell is accompanied by his entorage. Bull is accompanied by the same girl that expressed her fan loyalty to Evan. I got two words for Bull, SLOPPY SECONDS! The "Rat" kisses Bull. Too bad Bull didn't see where her lips were earlier in this DVD. The "Rat" than kisses the girl in Fitzwell's entorage. This "Rat" sure gets around. She even gets the "Right To Censor Rat" to strip. The "Right To Censor Rat" joined Bull's side in order to share his "Rat".

Bull's wrestling is pretty solid. I'm glad all of his Japanese wrestling tours has prepared him to be the background to two porno stars making out at the expense of his match. I'm so "Old School". We catch a shot of Dale Dabone rubbing against "The Rats". Bull gets the win & "The Rats". Bull even allows "The Right To Censor Rat" to drop a leg drop on one of his foes.

We go to a promo with the Heart Break Express who use the name of the Scum Bag Agents. Too bad their trunks still say Heart Break Express on it. Apparently they got the daughter of Loaded Cash to do porn. Didn't Pablo get her in to porn on the last DVD? Apparently this girl is not very hard to convince to do porn. Hopefully Loaded Cash can cut another non convincing promo vowing revenge.

We now cut to Loaded Cash giving his crappy promo vowing revenge. At least his "son" sounded outrage. ATM starts the match brawling with the Agents. The Heart Break Express are decent bump taking heels. ATM got the win. Ron's crappy fat jokes distracted me from this epic grudge match.

The "Rat" that hooked up with Evan Stone, Bull, & the other "Rat" is telling Tommy Gunn that she wants him to meet her friend. At least the "Rat" tells us her name is Iris. Tommy tries to blow her off to watch the wrestling show. Luckily Iris convinces Tommy to stay for a "Moonlight Drive". I would hate to have to clean this promotions locker room after a show. Tommy Gunn than rushes out to watch the wrestling show and possibly to the clinic.

Iris is now looking for Tommy Gunn, since she thinks they are getting married. Luckily Tommy can get his blood test done while he's at the clinic.

We're off to Sean [former WWE developmental wrestler] Casey, Tianna, and Evan Stone. Sean cuts a total 80's promo.

Craig Valentine tells Evan that they will have a rematch on 7/20 for the title. Vampire Warrior comes out to wrestle Sean. While Vampire and Sean are brawling, Evan is busy hitting on Tianna. What a pal! Eventually Sean confronts Evan about hitting on Tianna. This allows Vampire to knock in to Evan. Vampire eventually gets the win.

The bonus section got a Sumi Sakai match.

I would like to give a big thanks to Craig Valentine for sending me the DVD and eventually a New Porn Order T-shirt. Craig even sent me a invite to his company's open house party a couple of weeks ago. You can purchase this DVD at www.notrpw.com and other classics.

Tags: Missy Hyatt, WWE, NWA