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Missy Hyatt Guest Books Hulk Hogan Vs. Randy Savage

Posted: Jul 8th 2008 By: CMBurnham

I'm glad my Guest Booker column got over very well. The feedback was awesome. I got 5, that's right, 5 freaking emails that praised my work. I might revolutionize booking. Maybe I can create a over used finish that the audience will groan at. Perhaps they can coin the phrase a "Missy Finish" every time that finish is used. I can dare to dream. One of my emails suggested that I Guest Book Randy Savage VS. Hulk Hogan as a current program. I found the match to be a challenge. Keep in mind that my Guest Booking is the vision of my warped mind.

Back Story:
Randy Savage has had a on again-off again with Hulk Hogan for twenty years. When Savage can make money with Hogan, everything is copasetic. When Savage can't make money against Hogan, we deal with Savage cutting insane shoot promos. We even have to deal with Savage cutting rap songs [I actually own the cd] in challenging Hogan to a shoot.

What a relationship? Savage is still bitter that Hulk and Linda Hogan might have contributed to Elizabeth leaving him in '92. Savage tried to mend his broken heart with countless strippers that are half his age. But no surgically enhanced hoochie can tame Savage. Savage has even called Hogan out to the delight of nobody for the last seven years. Savage finally got the variable that will entice Hogan to do business with him. That variable is Linda Hogan!

Vignette:
Savage announces he's in love. Strippers, porn stars, Slim Jim's, and even Mae Young couldn't quench his carnal lust. Randy has baggage that no woman would have the patience to deal with. Savage found his new lovely smashing Hulk's vintage motorcycle collection. There's nothing more appealing than a hyper active fifty five year old cutting promos to Linda.

Savage uses every line possible to get a hook up. "If you think Lanny Poffo is the one, I'm twice as fun". "Jay Lethal stole my gimmick, not the other way around". "Who wants to snap in to my Slim Jim"? "He has eyes for Elizabeth". "Anybody wants me to rap to them"? Ughh! This hyper active ladies man is persistent. Eventually Linda is intrigued by Savage. Maybe its her new life style of dodging TMZ that is getting on her nerves? What a better way to avoid the media than by being locked at home 24/7 with nothing but Hungry Man dinners? The choice is obvious. Macho Madness conquers all!

Promo:
Randy Savage
This promo is taken at the beach. Savage rants about Hogan losing two houses, a condo, millions of dollars, and motor cycles. Savage boasts about being free of children, nagging ex wives, and even the burdens of a career. As the camera pans down, we see Savage rubbing oil on Brooke. Our imaginations run wild. Nahh! TMZ has pics, video, and analysis within minutes. We see Linda macking it up with a life guard to the oblivious Macho Man.

Special Feature: Linda Hogan:
We hear Hulk Hogan arguing with her divorce lawyers. Linda is not happy with 60% of Hogan's equity, she wants more. Linda wants the copyrights to the name Hulk Hogan. Linda justifies that her new assistant is looking to go to college next year and she wants to plan for his high school prom in advance. "You only turn 18 once".

Apparently gifts that consist of Terry Bollea's motorcycles, leather jackets, championships, and cars is not enough for her new gold digging cabana boy. He even quit his stressful-minimum wage job of washing boats to be Linda's full time play thing. Linda even took this youngster to Mexico. Mexico doesn't frown heavily about taking a minor across the boarder for a Donkey show and a nightcap of Lucha Libre. Linda announces that she will be managing Randy Savage in the ring and out of the ring.

Apparently living 25 plus years off of Hogan's non stop work schedule left her a unsatisfying life of buying new mansions, drag racing, non stop vacations, and flirting with new "personal assistants". Linda wants a career. Who can blame her? Unfortunately Savage wants a monogamous relationship. Linda prefers to be a aging groupie to boy bands.

Hulk Hogan:
We find Hulk training with fellow Bubba The Love Sponge fan, the Iron Sheik! Sheiky tells Hogan how Savage is "a dirty cheap @#$"! "He use my coke and smoke my marijuana". The Sheik demands Hulk "break his back and make him humble". Than we deal with Hulk having to console Sheik who sobbs "I love Elizabeth, but Savage is a cheap Jew bastard". This emotional promo is motivating to anybody who is "straight edge".

Main Stream Angle:
We deal with a very low key Hogan on Larry King. Hogan pushes that his children come first and he is not concerned about Linda being a groupie to multiple boy bands and possibly snapping in to Savage's Slim Jim?. Larry asks if "Hogan truly knows what's best"? A sad Hulkster replies "I don't have the answers any longer".

Every viewer is sympathetic to a teary eyed Hulkster. We than get a live interview from Randy Savage at MTV Spring Break. Savage is having a chicken fight with Brooke on his shoulders against some teenager with Linda on his shoulders. Linda brags how she's joining a sorority this fall. Savage brags that he's moving in with Linda and Brooke. Savage than attacks a camera man who he feels is glaring at Linda too long. Hulk just quivers his lip, while he watches the sattelite transmission.

Savage and Linda Program:
Savage cuts his usual Macho-esque promo of ramblings and wanting to shoot on Hogan. We have Linda in the back ground with her 19 year old personal male assistant. Savage lears at both of them. Linda tells Savage that he needs to go on the road for 300 days a year. Linda will fill her time up with being a adult role model and den mother to any local male fraternity. Savage waves his finger at her, but Linda threatens to call the authorities on him.

Hulk Hogan Promo:
Hulkster needs to beat Savage and draw big $$$$ off this program. If this program fails, Hulkster will have to take a second job as enhancement talent for Ohio Valley Wrestling to supplement the $200,000 a month alimony that Linda is demanding. Hogan admits the combination of Savage and Linda is tougher than Andre. That's why he's putting up his residuals, homes, bank accounts, and reality show contracts VS. Linda's divorce demands. This is the ultimate high stakes match.

Hulk Hogan VS. Randy Savage: Ultimate High Stakes Match

Needless to say in a work or shoot environment, there will not be too many moves to call in this match. Randy comes out to his old pomp and circumstance song. Linda is being carried out on a throne that is being carried out by a bunch of 19 year olds. Guest ring announcer is Brooke. She runs down all of Randy's accomplishments. This is than perceeded by a lengthy list of all of the material and monetary items that Linda acquired in the divorce. Hulk Hogan than comes down to the ring. He grabs the mic and says "the real issue is between me and the cougar", f*** off Slim Jim breath".

This gets a big pop. Linda is seated at ringside, while she is being massaged by her boy toys. Everbody doubts if she ever felt "Macho Madness". Savage and Hogan lock up. Hogan preceeds to slap Savage. They start brawling outside. Savage grabs a sledge hammer that was placed under the ring. He uses this to bust Hulk up. Linda proceeds to berate Hulk. Hulk starts making his comeback.

All of a sudden, a video is being played on the big screen. It's a 'Girls Gone Wild' video. Nothing like Linda flashing with a bunch of teenagers. Hulk decides to go after Linda. He gets cut off by Brooke. Savage comes behind Hogan and starts pummeling him. It looks like nobody can save Hulk. All of a sudden Nick comes out in a orange prison jump suit. It looks like Hogan got back up. Nick ends up laying out Hogan.

He grabs the mic and announces the family's new reality show, "Linda Knows Best". Nick, Brooke, and Linda all start stomping all over Hogan. Savage becomes nothing but back ground material. Nothing is resolved. Since Linda is going to contest wanting what ever is left of Hulk's assets. Hulk announces to stay tuned for a rematch and his new reality show. "Hulk Hogan 56 And Single". Ughh!!!!!

Tags: Missy Hyatt, Mae Young