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Pink Boy returns to support the real fighters

Pink Boy returns to support the real fighters

Posted: Sep 21st 2016 By: Dave Schlenker

After I fell off a giant gingerbread house in a dress, I assumed my wrestling days were over.

Turns out, the local wrestling community — led by WWE Hall of Famer Dory Funk Jr. — has no use for namby-pamby excuses. Sure, I was holding a giant cupcake and wearing a wig when I tumbled from that gingerbread house and broke my wrist. But in professional wrestling, MUCH stranger things happen.

First, an update: My wrist is finally healed following that fateful December evening when a 7-foot-high prop tumbled, tossing its lone passenger — me playing Mother Ginger — onto the stage. It was during a dress rehearsal for "The Nutcracker," a lovely ballet that was rebelling against its non-lovely cast member.

I spent about six months either in a cast or in a brace, as my 48-year-old scaphoid (a small bone but apparently an important one) declined to heal. The wrist is fine now, although I can predict the weather just like my step-father could with his arthritis.

Fast Forward: Recently, I was dubbed a Real Man who Wears Pink. The Real Men campaign is raising money for the American Cancer Society as part of its Making Strides Against Breast Cancer effort. Pink signifies breast cancer awareness and support for patients.

My fellow Pink Men and I are competing to raise the most money for the cause. I do love a competition. I also despise breast cancer, which took down my mother and continues to plague friends. So I am here to play.

Problem is, I — unlike the other Pink Men — have no marketable skills. At the end of the day, I am a guy who writes cat jokes for a dwindling newspaper readership.

I described this quandary to Funk and his wife, Marti, friends who have been very supportive of local charities. Marti's answer was simple: Come back to the ring, just like you did years ago for two other community fundraisers (one of which, incidentally, helped me kiss a horse for a literacy campaign).

A few things of note here: I am not a big man. I am not even a medium man. The head shot that runs with this column is about actual size. Years ago, when I first approached the Funks about helping me for the literacy council, I envisioned a night of me running around like a scrawny goofball amid guys who could break me at will. The Funks agreed to let me into their ring on one condition. Kill the goofball act and actually wrestle. Like REALLY wrestle. I needed to train with them and actually fight.


I did. And it worked out great, although I was sore for weeks. A year later, I was a guest referee in a match that raised funds for Cameras With A Cause. I thought the referee would be safe, but if you have ever seen professional wrestling, you know there is no safe spot inside those ropes.

So when the Funks invited me back recently to raise money for my quest to punch cancer in the face, I bravely stood up and proclaimed, "Heck no! I still have a boo-boo from that nasty gingerbread-dress incident." But Dory Funk Jr., master of the spinning toe hold and Texas Razor Wire matches, has a
talent for changing the minds of sissi is.

Thus, on Friday, Sept. 23, and Saturday, Sept. 24, I will be a guest referee again. Proceeds will benefit Making Strides Against Breast Cancer and the Boys & Girls Clubs of Marion County. Matches start at 7 p.m. both nights at the !BANG! TV Sound Stage, 2501 SW 57th Ave., Unit 605, Ocala.

I start training soon, and I am nervous. My face hit the mat hard during the last referee gig. No joke.

But I know this much: No struggle — be it wrestling massive humans or weathering stubborn gingerbread injuries — compares to what cancer patients and their families face. Wrestling with craggy bones at 48? No problem. Even if I survive with both wrists intact, I remain a whiny wad of goo
in the shadow of life's real people in pink.

 

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  • 2004 Butch Dalton def. Jon Davis for the TPW Heavyweight Champion
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  • 2005 Impact Inc. (John Zorthos & Bernie Donderwitz) became the IZW Tag Team Champions

Week of Sun 05-12 to Sat: 05-18

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  • 05-13 2006 Justin Lee def. Gary Gram for the NWA-U X Division Champion
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  • 05-13 2016 Terry Montana & Mighty Mouse def. Dynamic Shields (Justin Dynamic & Shawn Shields) for the ComPro Tag Team Champions
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  • 05-13 2023 Lunchador def. Dr. Corvus for the WAH Hunger Dojo Champion
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  • 05-14 1975 Danny Miller def. Skandor Akbar for the TSW North American Champion
  • 05-14 2004 Butch Dalton def. Jon Davis for the TPW Heavyweight Champion
  • 05-14 2004 Devon Monroe def. Mitch Carter for the TPW Light Heavyweight Champion
  • 05-14 2005 John O'Malley became the IZW Hardcore Champion
  • 05-14 2005 Impact Inc. (John Zorthos & Bernie Donderwitz) became the IZW Tag Team Champions
  • 05-15 1959 Mike DiBiase def. Dory Funk for the TSW Oklahoma Junior Heavyweight Champion
  • 05-15 2010 X-Rated (Kevin James Sanchez & Bobby Star) def. Rick Russo for the SWCW Tag Team Champions
  • 05-15 2010 Jonathan Cross def. Anarchy [2nd] for the UWE Heavyweight Champion
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  • 05-16 1963 Bull Curry became the WCCW Texas Brass Knuckles Champion
  • 05-16 1981 Eddie Gilbert & Ricky Morton def. Akbar Army (Jerry Brown & Ron McFarlane) for the TSW Tag Team Champions
  • 05-16 2009 Impact, Inc. (Johnny Z & Bernie D) became the IZW Tag Team Champions
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  • 05-17 1986 Bruiser Brody def. Rick Rude for the WCCW Television Champion
  • 05-17 1987 The Lightning Express (Brad Armstrong & Tim Horner) def. Rick Steiner & Sting for the UWF Tag Team Champions
  • 05-17 1996 The Bad Boyz (Krull Danzig & Brett Knight) def. The Texas Outlaws (Bobby Burns & Dan Wilder) for the WWEmp Tag Team Champions
  • 05-17 2008 El Super Colibri def. Tim Rockwell for the ComPro Oklahoma X Division Champion
  • 05-17 2008 Michael York def. Brett Taylor for the SECW Light Heavyweight Champion
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  • 05-17 2008 Michael York became the SECW Eastern Oklahoma Champion
  • 05-17 2009 Kevin Morgan became the AWFUL Heavyweight Champion
  • 05-17 2014 The Sexy Camachos (Angel Camacho & Roberto Camacho & Vinnie Camacho) def. Team Bull (The Bronze Bull & Bobby Starr) for the IZW Tag Team Champions
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  • 05-18 1973 Jose Lothario def. Blackjack Mulligan for the WCCW Texas Heavyweight Champion
  • 05-18 1984 Gino Hernandez def. Jimmy Garvin for the WCCW American Heavyweight Champion
  • 05-18 2007 Lonnie Valdez & Epic became the ACW Tag Team Champions
  • 05-18 2013 The P.I.N.K. Nation (Ray Martinez & Tommy Toops) def. Bobby Burns & Sam Stackhouse (substituting for Psycho Sawyer) for the SRPW Tag Team Champions
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