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Missy Talks About Reality TV

Posted: Apr 11th 2008 By: CMBurnham

I started thinking about all of the reality programming that is all over television. Its a shame that less quality sitcom shows are being produced in favor of reality programming. What's going to be syndicated in 5 years? American Idol reruns don't sound too appealing 5 years from now? I think T.V. is going back to the 50's with all of these singing and dancing shows. Unfortunantly celebrity reality shows is what people crave now. They are relatively cheap to make. You can tape a whole season within weeks and air it for months. I'm even trying to capitalize on the trend by my reality site [www.missyhyatt.net in case you are interested]. I was considering what reality shows that I might be able to fit in.

Flavor Of Love: I found Flavor Flav to be funny for the first season. 2 seasons later, spinoffs, Celebrity Roasts, etc. I have grown to hate him. I originally found Flav to be the likeable crack head that you find on any NYC subway. But when you deal with the crack head asking for $$$ everyday, you grow to despise the crack head. I would probably last a episode or two. Eventually he would irritate me to the point I would get in to a full brawl with his hoochies. Hair, earrings, and boobies would be flying everywhere. Eventually I would break somebody's teeth with the clock. I know, I know, "My Time Is Up".

Rock Of Love: I can easily recreate "Big 80's Hair Missy" for Bret Michaels. I would get kicked off for challenging Bret for possibly being bald or having a weave. What's the deal with the bandanna or cowboy hat 24/7. I'm calling Bret out! Your bald! I really don't care about getting his B.S. back stage pass. I'm not turning tricks like some of the other rats on his roadie. I get back stage passes to KISS concerts by Gene Simmons. I never had any relations with Gene for the passes. I'm just friends. Gene even came to my birthday and paid for dinner. So why the hell would I want to hang out with Bret Michaels?

Celebrity Fit Club: I don't jog. I don't diet. I barely do yoga. Everyday I convince myself that tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. But I never get to the gym. My 3 month gym membership was as helpful as Eric Bischoff was to keeping WCW a profittable and long term company. I hate getting screamed at. I would probably mouth off to the drill seargant.

I also don't like the team color uniforms. I want my own clothes. I'm Missy, damn it! I can't live on fruits and vegetables. I also need my "medicine" [chocalate ice cream]. I punk out on invitations of bike riding, paint ball, jogging, etc. So I would find every way to weasel out of every event. I weigh 120 pounds. I'm not willing to lose any weight. I'm at my ideal "Missy Weight". In fact I'm in better shape now than in my prime years. No excercise, weight lifting, dieting, and being screamed at for me.

I would love to beat up Dustin Diamond. He is even lazier, injury prone, and makes more excuses than me. I was offended by the drill seargant calling Dustin Diamond a "Nazi". That term is offensive, it's even more offensive that he called a Jewish person that term. The Drill Sergeant needs a beatdown. I'll sit on my couch eating ice cream instead of participating in this celebrity nonsense.

Celebrity Rehab: I been clean and sober for 5 years. I'm straight edge. I can spend six weeks with B list celebrities. I just want to go to a resort rehab facility. I want golfing, massages, my own hot tub, my own bed room, and a shrink. I also want a chef. Keep the Baldwin guy away from me.

Ultimate Fighter: This is really stretching it. I can cat fight. I'm just grabbing all of the free Tapout clothes, and UFC clothes that I can get my hands on. I also want the round trip ticket to Las Vegas. I don't want to hear Dana White's mouth. I was never there to fight. I'm just coming for the clothes and the Vegas tickets. I'll be playing blackjack, while Dana is giving a big speech on how I have no heart, I'm not a real fighter, I'm a poser, blah, blah. Just send me the limo to drop me off to the casino and airport.

Scott Baio Is 46: Another show where I would get booted off. I would get kicked off for getting in to fights with Jason Hervey. I would make fun of how fat he became. I'm still 6 inches taller than the midget. I would probably threaten to put a spiked high heel shoe in his face. Obviously I couldn't last in Scott's friend circle.

Hogan Knows Best: I can easily buddy up to Hogan. I can befriend Brooke better than Brian Knobbs. I can be a big sister character for her to be buddies with. I can stooge on Linda for Hogan. I can convince Linda how she should be only take 2 out of the 4 houses. I can stooge on her lawyer dealings and demands to the Hulkster. I'm just not driving with Nick.

American Idol/Celebrity Dance: I have no singing ability. My own commentating voice on WSU dvd's even annoys me. My accent became Southern again. Damn those speech lessons that WCW paid for me to get rid of it. I can't dance either. All of the choreographers in the world couldn't save me. I would also want to fight Simon if he bad mouthed me.

Bounty Hunter shows: Count me in. I just want to use a gun. No sissy pepper spray for me. I get to cut promos on my perps. No finding g-d and get off the crack speeches from me. Instead the perps will get threats of sodomy in prison. I can even get my hair taller than Dog's wife. Our breasts are the same size, but I fit in a size 1. So naturally Dog will dump his wife to work with me. Hopefully dog will keep his racist words on locked down. I once sent Dog a letter on how I loved the show with a autograph picture. Its been 4 years, I still haven't gotten a letter back.

Reality television shows would not work out for me. I'm too lazy to do any physical challenges. I can't live in a home with no history channel for 6 weeks. I need my Jack Russel "Moondogs". I'm not competing for Flavor Flav or Bret Michaels. I'm not fighting to get in to a house and to stay in a house with no TV, privacy, and spend every hour at a gym. I would be a reality show washout. Why wonder all I do is watch Court TV and the History Channel.

I'll be working on the WSU show on 4/20, I'll be doing a interview with the new WSU champion in Nikki Rox. Its amazing on how her talents are maximized in WSU. They also have Roxx/Cindy Rogers/Alexa Thatcher in a 3 way match. I'll preview the show next week.

If you are stopping by WSU, don't bring clock necklaces, diet plans, UFC shirts, or American Idol merchandise for me. It will end up in the dumpster.